October 05, 2006


As you may have noticed the Skeleton Countdown doesn't actually span linearly from worst to best (in relation to my scientific ratings.) With the exception of the number one slot (which is reserved for my favorite skeleton) I thought it would be more interesting if visitors had no preconceptions as to just how great or pathetic a skeleton will be on any given day. Now on with the countdown...

Era: 2000s
Glow-in-the-Dark?: No
Place of Origin: Unknown
Rib Count: 16
Celebrity Look-alike: Ed Sullivan
Description: There's something inherently right about a skeleton made of rubber. I think it's because real skeletons are intended for structure and protection, and therefore a rubber one is the embodiment of irony (as well as pointlessness, and awesomeness). Nearly everyone has the "sense memory" of the way it feels to hold a rubber skeleton. Try to summon yours right now. I'll bet you can easily perceive it's slight weight and feel its legs in your grip as the top-heavy torso cascades over the back of your hand.. the skull dangling over your knuckles. Your brain knows exactly what it feels like to run your finger down the rib cage, and the angle each rib bows before it snaps back into place like a thick, haunted guitar string. If the room is quiet enough fingering the ribs will produce the faintest of sounds... thp-thp-thp-thp-thp-thp-thp.
This is how they speak to you. What are they saying?
Usually they are whispering...
"help... me... please."

Back to the skeleton at hand.. looks like somebody got a bit paint-happy with this guy. It's as if they thought all the joints needed oil or something. Even after the job was done the overzealous painter was still dissatisfied and opted to add an extra eye, which is kind of cool because the early traces of a third eye suggests the makings of a triclops.
Additional Info: How can one own a skeleton and not know where it came from? Easy... that just means that it's a magical skeleton.
Cause of Death: Run over by several cars
Rating: 7.2


Travis said...

I love these! Your celebrity look-a-likes are DEAD ON! (pun intended) Analyzing mundane things is sooo much more fun than analyzing actual, meaningful, applicable material. Keep it up- this is real entertainment!

Kirk D. said...

Ha! thanks Travis. I've been lucky so far because I have a bunch left that I'm totally stumped on. And if anyone comes up with look-alikes that I think are better I'd be happy to change 'em. Glad you're enjoying the countdown!