INSTANT VENTRILOQUISM- NOW WITH SCRIPT

There's an old post of mine that's maintained a steady trickle of traffic since I wrote it back in July of 2006. It's the one where I shared Jimmy Nelson's Instant Ventriloquism, a mail order record from 1964.

My original upload lacked the script that came with the record. The missing document covered a conversation between you, the aspiring ventriloquist, and Farfel the dog. Thanks to the generosity of Dan Rodden this exchange is no longer a mystery. Additionally, he passed along some tracks with improved audio quality.

So you can visit the updated post or
download the album with the script here or
get the script by itself here

and you'll be on your way to a satisfying dialog with a prerecorded dog puppet!

REN & STIMPY PRODUCTION MUSIC ...PART TWO!! (UNAVAILABLE)

UPDATE: The links got yanked, but check out the comments for some good news.

Here it is folks, the long-awaited second volume of vintage incidental music that was excavated for the Ren and Stimpy show. Most of this stuff seems to come from the post John K. era with several notable exceptions that were sorely missing from the first batch (i.e. Shock Horror which blared as the news "Ren Hoek Takes Bubbly Sponge Bath" hit the streets), but even if you're as unfamiliar with the later episodes as I am, you're still bound to find something you enjoy among the one hundred and ninety-four selections (that's five full hours to you and me). Compared to the last set this collection is much more massive, but it's less focused stylistically; however, this amounts to a broader and wackier range of music.

Once again, the original curators of this amassment remain shrouded in the shadows of cyberspace, but we can thank blogger Voncheech for recently upping them. And just like last time, I contributed a cover (featuring another Bill Wray masterwork), looked up and ID tagged the artists, and made a track list. Again I tried to arrange it according to musical styles. It starts with plucky mid-century easy listening, and turns glamorous before going nutso eclectic ( You name it...rag time, folk, barroom piano, jazz, country, big band, banjo pickin', traditional German, Irish, French, and Eastern, and no shortage of polkas) followed by romantic, classical, drama and suspense, all punctuated with an assortment of short cues. You're practically guaranteed to like it if you like the same things I do... wax paper... boiled football leather... dog breath. We're not hitchhiking anymore... we're riding.

194 tracks (MP3, 192 kbps), Run time: 5 hours
(for a list of track names see the comments on this post)

JEAN SHEPHERD- SHEPHERD'S PIE

You know his legendary storytelling from A Christmas Story, but have you ever wondered what Jean Shepherd (1921-1999) has to say about the rest of our annual American rituals? Shepherd was a longtime radio personality and a successful author who's fierce sense of humor, expert wordplay, and uncanny ability to evoke powerful "sense memories" made him a true master of retrospection. Or as he put it— the "pleasant tinglings of mingled regret and exhilaration that we all call nostalgia."

Here I'm offering a super-sized album of eight recordings of Jean reading some of his own published "short" stories (perfect for summer listening!) complete with a nifty new "cover" design. Jean serves up laugh-out-loud wit as he guides you through all the places you'd be lucky to visit this summer— the county fair, Saturday matinées at the Orpheum, and the yearly family drive to the cabin by the lake. Shep also covers prom and a devastating fireworks display before concluding with two of his familiar Christmas pieces.

These stories are a joy. Shepherd is at his hysterical best and his intricately detailed childhood accounts are unabashedly personal, which is why I'm continually amazed at how closely I relate to his experiences which took place nearly half a century before I passed through Kiddom myself. So go ahead and download all seven and a half hours of bliss, and merrily drift into the Shepherd state of mind— "settled down comfortably into my soft, eiderdown bed of remembrances of things past. There are times when you just have to let it go."

UPDATE! Download from...
Zippy Share

99.3 MB, (32kbps)
9 tracks, 7.5 hours
(Contains some objectionable language)

Track List-
County Fair
Leopold Doppler and the Great Orpheum Gravy Boat Riot
Ollie Hopnoodle's Haven of Bliss
Ludlow Kissel and the Dago Bomb
Wanda Hickey Night of Golden Memories Part One
Wanda Hickey Night of Golden Memories Part Two
Murderous Maria
Little Orphan Annie
Red Ryder Nails The Cleveland Street Kid

My thanks goes to the Jean Shepherd Archives from which I culled these tracks (and which is unfortunately down at the time, hopefully just temporarily.) So if this collection leaves you wanting more then I recommend subscribing to The Brass Figlagee, an all Jean Shepherd podcast.

THE BLOOD BANSHEE COMETH

I must point out that Jason at the legendary Scar Stuff blog recently posted "The Haunting," an extremely rare recording from Gayle House Records which was hawked in beautiful comic book ads like the one pictured above.
Hearing this was yet another childhood dream fulfilled and even after decades of built up curiosity, I'm not at all disappointed. Side one features a wonderfully unique sequence that rises above your standard spooky sound FX records. So don't hesitate, head on over and get haunted!

Thanks again Jason. This Halloween season just got a whole lot happier.

RIPLEY'S ONE MINUTE MYSTERIES

About ten years ago I made a solo fifteen-hour drive home from Florida. Most of the trip took place during a summer's night, which was fine by me. On a lonely, two lane, Mississippi highway about halfway through my journey my haul of snacks from the last 24-hour travel plaza ran out so my attention shifted to the radio dial. I scanned through swarms of static until a faint announcer's voice pushed through. His tone was earnest yet friendly and I could instantly tell it wasn't a modern broadcast. I was disappointed to hear that he was finishing up what sounded like an extremely interesting tale. The bumper music that followed was some freaky mix of random beeps and percussion with some horn blasts thrown in. I smacked the steering wheel. Aw Jeez! I was so bummed to have just missed this thing, whatever it was. But after a silence I heard something that perked me up. It was a different voice, a more spooky sounding one, and it proclaimed "Truth is stranger than fiction and this is the proof! This is Ripley's Believe It... or Not!" then I welcomed back the other spokesman who had returned with a fresh, far-out factoid. A couple stories later I realized I was amid a whole collection of one-minute Ripley clips played back to back to back! This went on for another chill-inducing half hour and I sat there grinning in the light of the dashboard, totally enraptured and totally thankful for this mysterious gift from the starry heavens.

Last week I found four hundred and sixteen of these Ripley's audio shows online. Take a listen to a sample. If you like that one then perhaps you too would enjoy populating your itunes with seven hours worth of these intriguing segments. I made up a digital "album cover" (seen above), bundled all the tracks together and uploaded them for your pleasure...


New Upload at Mediafire
416 MP3s, 32 kbps
102 MB Zipped file

The sound quality is pretty low and varies from clip to clip (I've heard skips in a few episodes) Although it's probably not too far from the way they sounded when they originally aired. But I'm more concerned that excessive exposure to the nightmarish introduction will lead to madness. Anyway, this stuff is truly magnificent.
Believe it.

REN & STIMPY PRODUCTION MUSIC!

UPDATE: The links got yanked, but check the comments for help.

From the moment I experienced my very first brilliantly stupendous episode of the Ren & Stimpy show my brain has ruminated on how to get my hands on that wonderful vintage "incidental music" that sets the tone for their zany, wacky, madcap antics. Eventually the internet taught me that the music of Ren & Stimpy comes from all over the place. Some was written for the show, some are well known classical pieces, and there are quite a few works by Raymond Scott. For me, the most elusive stuff has always been the authentic "production music" from the 1950s.

A couple months ago I discovered that some dear soul (or souls) had assembled a massive collection of these aural delights, and made them available on a torrent site.
(EDIT: A demonoid user named admiraltennek has stepped forward as the original ripper/uploader.) It was as though the Gilded Yak had answered all of my letters at once! And you guessed it, I'm making this marvelous collection of classics available to you, the valued internet user.

Put simply, these melodies have enriched my life. Play them on your drive to work and you're the star of an instructional traffic safety film, turn it on during dinner and mealtime becomes 80% happier (but be careful.. play the wrong track and you could wind up with a touch of Space Madness). Best of all you can listen and imagine that you live in the world of Ren and Stimpy where the walrus-napping horse is your next door neighbor, where the toy stores are stocked with Log from Blammo, and a visit from Powdered Toast Man is just a complaint away!

Since this stuff is already available 'out there' I decided to add some extra value before I handed it off to you folks, and therefore I did the following..
-Designed an "album cover" for the collection (as seen above)
(Bill Wray illustration swiped from his web site.)
-Hunted down and tagged the name of every artist for every stinkin' track
-Added a couple tracks that I had that weren't included in the bundle
-Created a track listing based on musical styles. It kicks off with some general '50s domestic lollygagging tunes and then it gets more downtown hustle and bustle-ish. After that it goes spooky, glamorous, romantic, and finally dramatic.

It is my pleasure to present you with the unofficial Ren & Stimpy Production Music collection. Be happy happy and enjoy joy joy it!

109 Total tracks (MP3, 192 kbps)



UPDATE: the You Eediot! album is available HERE.
UPDATE: Volume 2 is available HERE.

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Production Music

HALLOWEEN MYSTERY MUSIC

I interrupt this countdown to seek council from you folks out there in internetland. In 1997 I bought one of those cheapie Halloween sound effects CDs at Wal-Mart for like, three bucks. As you can see below it's simply called 55 Minute Horror Sounds and it was produced by Fun World Electronics.

Ninety-nine percent of it is indeed environmental "horror sounds," (which are pretty good actually) but the CD opens with an eerie little synthesizer melody that I've adored since the first time I heard it. You can hear it HERE. (1 meg, right click and 'Save as' to download.)

If you listen closely it sounds like it's been edited at the 35 second mark. Which naturally causes me to wonder if it's from a larger piece of existing music. And so I pose the questions...

Do you recognize this music? (Perhaps as an adaptation of another piece of music, or from some other sound effects/spooky music album, or maybe even a film or TV show.)

I emailed Fun World years ago and got no response. A couple Halloweens ago I heard an even shorter version of the exact same recording on an electronic Jack-O-Lantern. It played as a mechanical ghost popped out of the head. (I don't know if Fun World made it or not.)

Any info would be greatly appreciated. It may be that some intern hammered it out in the Fun World office during his lunch hour, but my hope is that it's from a grand and lengthy opus that I've yet to discover and that's readily downloadable for free.

CHEVY SHOWROOM MUSIC 1972

It should be of no surprise that listening to vintage music is a favorite pastime of mine. I've also noticed that there's something extra fun about music that was never intended for consumer use. I have a number of recordings that were meant to be played during a certain time, in a certain place and then discarded. This is an ephemeral favorite of mine.. it's a record that Chevrolet distributed to their dealers called Building a better way to see the U.S.A. Music. Here's a description from the back of the jacket...

"Looking for a happy, encouraging sound- listen to this complimentary record. It's the theme music taken from the '72 Announcement meeting. We encourage you to share this happy sound with your showroom visitors. It's all part of a great new advertising campaign that will be seen and listened to by your prospects in the next few months...a better way to sell Chevrolets."
(The record is only a half hour long, so the salespeople could potentially hear it up to sixteen times a day. And hopefully they had a record player that could restart automatically.)

The LP opens with a vocal track that's all about the vastness and diversity of the United States...

"It's a land that's made from differences
but where all the edges touch
from the Mormons out in Utah
to the Pennsylvania Dutch"

After some hopeful introductory music there are a couple tracks dedicated to Chevy history (musical stylings that are synonymous with black and white footage of jalopies spouting smoke). These finally lead into the relaxed beat of the "modern" showroom. The remainder of the album consists of distinct variations of the main theme, each representing a different Chevy model. From easy going ditties for the Station Wagon, Nova, and Monte Carlo to the sophisticated melodies of the Impala and the Caprice (which is seen on the cover). Naturally the Corvette and Camero are musically portrayed with brassy excitement. The El Camino music is particularly interesting because it's your standard, twangy "chase music" that brings Smokey and the Bandit to mind. Are they implying that the El Camino is the ultimate getaway car?

The scene on the cover is actually pretty inspiring even though the "family" is so ridiculously staged. Like action figures, everyone has their own accessory.. and little Billy had to bring his baseball mitt to the mountains.

This is one of my favorite records and I've always thought it would make perfect road trip music. So I finally took the time to convert it into highly portable MP3s. I see that this album is being offered for 200 bucks on a rare vinyl web site (I paid one dollar at a thrift store). Save yourself the expense and just download it here...

Download via Mediafire: HERE
Size: 41.7 meg
Run time: 29.5 min
Bit Rate: 192 kbps

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN - 1967

Years ago I wrote a rather poignant essay which posed the question "Where have all the pirates gone?" Frankly, the enitre premise is now obsolete. They are everywhere and on everything.. especially movie screens. I'm not sure why I've been drawn to these smelly anti-heroes since I was a toddler, but I just have. My parents first fed my pirate cravings with the Weebles Treasure Island set. Soon after, I was introduced to the fine record pictured above. It's easily in the top three "most played" on my lifetime playlist. And if you too would like to have an eighteen minute audio tour of a village in chaos that's narrated by the brilliant Thurl Ravenscroft then you can grab it here via Rapidshare (sorry.)

What really kept me coming back to the album was the picture book that was glued into the dust jacket (until it was inevitably ripped out.) It's full of awesome shots of the ride from 1967, the year that it opened. I thought I'd share some of my favorites here. These photos are best viewed while laying on your stomach with your fists holding up your head by your chin as your elbows dig into the shag carpet...

Just imagine the anticipation and the excitement of having zero knowledge of what was ahead. Not one of those ladies in the front had ever seen a home video of the entire Pirates ride posted on YouTube. At best they might have seen some behind the scenes footage on The Magical World of Disney on some Sunday night. (All of these enlarge slightly when clicked.)

Don't you see? The treasure is cursed! Yet you just ignore all of the warnings.

Disney World has one drop while Disneyland has two. This is mere trivia unless you really dislike drops.

I guess you really can't take it with you! (Haw! haw! haw!)

Oh, now I understand what this is all about.

I guess you really can't take it with--- nevermind.

I love it when the inside of buildings are designed to seem like the outdoors. Disney has certainly mastered this art.

Well, if all of that isn't enough to swash your buckles, take a listen to this marvelous 1967 radio commercial for the classic ride. Click, or do a "save as" on this link.

That's the way it was back when it was "an entirely new kind of family entertainment." Be sure to stop by the souvenir shop on your way out.

INSTANT VENTRILOQUISM

It is my distinct pleasure to present you with the Jimmy Nelson's Instant Ventriloquism LP in its entirety. This is the record that is responsible for spawning the latest craze of slick ventriloquist jet setters that are currently dominating every facet of the entertainment industry.

Like Kung-Fu and Hypnosis, ventriloquism is one of the many super powers that was offered by Johnson Smith & Co. to allowance earners everywhere...


So how does this item rate on the "Johnson Smith disappointment scale?" Aside from being one of the flimsiest records that I own, and the lackluster spot-colored packaging, and the steep price tag (that's four 1972 dollars), I'd say this product actually delivers. If one were to follow the instructions and put in the mind numbing hours of necessary practice, it provides a solid basis from which any young boy or girl could kick off a "career" in ventriloquism.

Not only does the record provide lessons on how to master every letter of the alphabet, it includes a pre-written routine that you can perform right along with the voices of Danny O'Day and Farfel the dog. What makes it even more fun is that I don't have the script that originally came with the LP so you hear the characters taking part in one half of a completely senseless conversation.

UPDATE: Gracious Fun Blog reader Dan Rodden has contributed the missing script! (and some audio tracks with improved sound!)

Download the album with the script here

What are you waiting for? Take your life to the next level—become a ventriloquist!