July 09, 2006

INSTANT VENTRILOQUISM

It is my distinct pleasure to present you with the Jimmy Nelson's Instant Ventriloquism LP in its entirety. This is the record that is responsible for spawning the latest craze of slick ventriloquist jet setters that are currently dominating every facet of the entertainment industry.

Like Kung-Fu and Hypnosis, ventriloquism is one of the many super powers that was offered by Johnson Smith & Co. to allowance earners everywhere...


So how does this item rate on the "Johnson Smith disappointment scale?" Aside from being one of the flimsiest records that I own, and the lackluster spot-colored packaging, and the steep price tag (that's four 1972 dollars), I'd say this product actually delivers. If one were to follow the instructions and put in the mind numbing hours of necessary practice, it provides a solid basis from which any young boy or girl could kick off a "career" in ventriloquism.

Not only does the record provide lessons on how to master every letter of the alphabet, it includes a pre-written routine that you can perform right along with the voices of Danny O'Day and Farfel the dog. What makes it even more fun is that I don't have the script that originally came with the LP so you hear the characters taking part in one half of a completely senseless conversation.

UPDATE: Gracious Fun Blog reader Dan Rodden has contributed the missing script! (and some audio tracks with improved sound!)

Download the album with the script here

What are you waiting for? Take your life to the next level—become a ventriloquist!

19 comments:

HarveyMidnight said...

Hey man; I just discovered your site and blog. Coooool, cool stuff ya got here! I'm guessing you are close to my age, sicne I do remember a LOT of the toys & stuff from your memories flash-files. Yeah, the 'scarstuff' blog is great, too. Guess I'll be readin' your blogs regular-like. Thanks for the fun & the mem'ries.

gentle_dissident said...

rapidshare! i turned off my download agent (a must have for dial up), waited for the count down, figured out the letters in the box (very difficult to make out), and it says i've reached my download limit (lol). do you think they want my money (not like i have any)?

i do appreciate the creepiness of rapidshare though

Kirk D. said...

Hey Harvey- Welcome to the secret fun blog! I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying it. Come back anytime.


Gentle- Ah, the troubles with rapidshare.
If you were doing it from a networked computer (like at work or something) someone else could have hit that limit. Or it could be a weird proxy thing. I don't think they're trying to trick you (at this point).

I'll put it up elsewhere for you.

gentle_dissident said...

don't go out of your way on my account, but i just saw this site praised

http://www.sendspace.com/

up to 300mb. supports dl agents and resume with free service (good for us on dial up). no ad page (i'm not spendin any money anyway). link goes right to page with file. no wait time. no adware (file factory tried 4 times to infect my computer. it then showed me an ad for spyware detection. lol)

Kirk D. said...

Well, spyware is the worst thing ever so I pulled the file factory link.
I'll look into this sendspace.

If I can't find a good way to distribute this file then I may as well give up my dream of world peace though ventriloquism.

Jason said...

WOW! I can't believe I'm actually about to hear this thing after so many years! Thanks so much for both the kind words *and* the fulfillment of yet another forgotten childhood dream. Man. Sometimes the internet is just so damned amazing.

Hey, now where's that Kung-Fu record (you know the one I mean!) hiding at? Oh! And how about this personal vinyl holy grail (which I suspect is the same as the Johnson Smith Novelty Record, but don't know for sure):

http://www.getafreemonkey.com/scans/haunting.jpg

It's just GOTTA be lurking out there SOMEWHERE!

Kirk D. said...

Wow, I can't believe you don't already have this.
I wish I had the Kung-Fu record, and I REALLY wish I had that Haunting record you referenced. Yes.. it is out there I BELIEVE it is out there.
I never thought I'd hear the J.S. Horror Record, so there is hope.

Dave said...

Any chance you might re-share htis? Thanks.
Dave

Kirk D. said...

I just re-upped it for you Dave. Enjoy!

BW said...

Thank you very much!

Anonymous said...

WOW! also and thanks for sharing, I too had got a copy of the LP for Christmas in 1973, Got lost at grandparents home in 78 before thier house was sold. Listened to it intently, "practiced,practiced, practiced"as Jimmy instructed.It really works [for those of you sceptics]

Dan said...

Hey, I have the script to these routines if you're interested. There a little marked up as for some reason at the tender age of 8 I felt the need to write on them, but I think I could do a little creative photoshopping and you wouldn't notice. If you're interested in posting the script along with the records let me know.

Kirk D. said...

Dan- For the sake of complete-ism I sure wouldn't mind adding the script to this post (not to mention finally see it myself). This is one of those posts that continues to have traffic trickling to it, so I'm glad it serves as a reference.

There's certainly no hurry, but if you ever do get the time to scan it, etc. then email it on over and I'll put it up. Thanks!

Jim Italiano said...

I just Put this LP on Cd. Great site --I will look around. Are the downloads Ok?

Kirk D. said...

Jim- Thanks! I haven't tested the download links in a while so I'm not sure. The most popular ones have updated links in the comments.

Anonymous said...

I have this record and no matter how many times i say it, it still sounds like "The Doy Dought a Dasketdall."
-jerry

RYU said...

Can you re-up it? Megaupload is dead since a long time ago...

And all your cool downloads are un MU, BTW. =/

Kirk D. said...

Hi RYU,
I'll try to remember to re-up this when I get some free time. Right now my To-Do list is quite long I'm afraid. Glad to see that you are really digging deep into the blog!

Kirk D. said...

The album is back up again.