October 20, 2006


Era: Unknown
Glow-in-the-Dark?: No
Place of Origin: Hong Kong
Rib Count: 32 (between the two of them)
Celebrity Look-alike: Homer Simpson
Description: Witness a portrait of two skeletal kinfolk who belong to a family of millions. Their oldest sibling was born near half a century ago while the youngest was probably born about 10 seconds ago and currently travels along a warm conveyor belt amid a series of industrial machines. As you study the photo above, do you detect a hint of rivalry in their body language? I do.

Though the left brother is honorably "mint in bag," close examination reveals that his body is less detailed and is plagued with the dreaded flaps of excess plastic. He's an umpteenth generation facsimile who bitterly resents his counterpart's purer lineage. He does his best to act disinterested as his emancipated brother recounts tales of glorious Halloween parties of yesteryear and madcap Trick or Treating shenanigans, but his heart (so to speak) is covetous.

And yet the brother on the right is all the while envious of his uncirculated kin. For his rival displays an unflinching pride in his personal identity as well as his homeland. Plus, an incidental benefit of his "header card" is that it almost fully obscures his "hangin' loop." (the loose brother is secretly shameful of his own.) His virgin brother has never known the taste of dust or the stench of dried Halloween mask sweat. These thoughts leave him stewing in his own jealously.

So they both exist.. unhappy in their own skin, (so to speak) so they live (so to speak) under a self-imposed curse of discontentment. You see it coming so do I have to say it?... Don't be like the skeletons.

Additional Info: These two have been separated all of their lives (so to speak) until just a couple weeks ago when one (formerly a Missouri resident) caught wind of the greatest skeleton gathering of all time, prompting him to say goodbye to his many friends and climb into a stamped envelope. In total darkness he travelled on a series of trucks until he reached the Natural State (a.k.a. Arkansas). He emerged to see his long lost brother and at least thirty-one new bony buddies. Who was the skeleton's original owner? None other than Todd from the Neatocoolville blog. And that's the rest of the story. (Thanks Todd- the skeleton is neato and you are cool! um, ville.)
Cause of Death: Suffocation/Polluted air
Rating: 5/5


anonymous said...

Thank you for further illustrating my point that there really is nothing to do in Arkansas.

Kirk D. said...

anonymous- You live in New York, you're reading my Skeleton Countdown on a Friday night, and you chose to write that comment?

HarveyMidnight said...

Uuuhhh... Celebrity lookalike: Skeleton #16??

Surely you didn't need me to point this out to you?

K2 said...

Have little toy skeletons ever been written about so eloquently?

I think not.

Kirk, you rule!

Todd Franklin said...

Glad to see that he arrived safely to meet his long lost older brother. All the others were asking where he disappeared to and they were kind of concerned. Of course I haven’t told the group that they soon will be separated when each one will be stuffed in a small trick or treat bag and handed to lots of little masked kids in a few days.

Anonymous said...

hi, i stumbled across your main page, and i love it (couldnt find another way to contact you)-- under the novelties section, there is a grouping called "goofy gifts"... could you please tell me where you found those pics, or share them with me... they are so awesome...

Anonymous said...

well, now i feel like an idiot... just saw the "e-mail me" at the bottom of the page... sheesh, i need a nap...

Kirk D. said...

Harvey, Good eye! I started to mention that in the post but I deleted it in favor of just sticking to my "morality tale" of the brothers. It interesting to see what #16 was supposed to look like, neckerchief and all.

K2, ha, thank you so much!

todd, by handing out the rest of them, you're providing your community with such a great service.

lisa, no problem, I'll send you an email.

gugon said...

Brilliant post - great story, very perceptive. This is a tale that speaks to everyone. We can all learn a lesson from these two.

Herva said...


pwnage, foosball-style.

Anonymous said...

I used to have one in the 80's from a dentist shop grab bag... but he could've easily sprang from the 70's??