SEE ROCK CITY

One of the predominant themes of childhood consumerism (and of this blog) is "hopeful expectation vs. painful reality." So for a change, I thought I'd focus on a place that consistently managed to surpass my youthful hopes... Rock City Gardens in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

If you've traveled on highways that lead anyplace near Chattanooga you have seen a multitude of roadside advertisements urging you to "See Rock City." Rock City is in that family of American attractions that are akin to using extreme repetition to wear down, and lure in interstate travelers. (Other examples are Wall Drug, South of the Border, and Stuckey's.) Not only is this advertising technique effective, I consider the gauntlet of billboards to be a considerable part of the Rock City experience. After being subject to so many ads, passing by the Rock City exit can be downright painful. However, if you know Rock City to be your destination then the billboards can gradually ramp up your car's collective anticipation until the thought of arrival becomes all-consuming, and the level of excitement is almost agonizing. You can become so dependent upon seeing the next sign, that you start to feel as though you're being toyed with. A maddening twenty mile dry spell can suddenly erupt into a feast of four-in-a-row signs causing your brain to swell with pleasure-inducing dopamine.

The pleas to "See Rock City" come in several unique forms. Most notable are the old wooden barns that are painted up as billboards. Long ago, a Rock City rep named Clark Byers traveled surrounding areas offering free paint jobs to any farmer who didn't mind proclaiming Rock City's marketing message.


In the spirit of these barns, I once painted my own shed with the Rock City advert (see below).


Bird houses are another unconventional method of promoting the attraction.


Most common are the standard billboards. Prior to the 1990s the volume of these signs was far greater. I remember counting well over a hundred between Little Rock and Chattanooga. I must admit that I liked the ads better when they featured Rocky the gnome. Although I understand that Rock City's efforts to change with the times is one of the reasons it is still around.


The climax of the journey to the city of rock is the ascent up Lookout Mountain. The road is twisty, steep, and beautiful. And the streets are named after fictional characters like Peter Pan and Red Riding Hood. The magic kicks in well before you even see the Rock City parking lot.

Soon after you reach the glorious moment of arrival, a banjo-pickin, animatronic gnome greets you in front of the main building. After a pass through aisles of souvenirs, a ticket gains you access through the back door to the winding pathway of delights. Unlike other garden attractions, Rock City has many distinct points of interest. There are rock formations, overlooks, bridges, passages, and even a group of white deer. Each feature has a mystical name like "Goblin's Overpass" and "Eye of the Needle." Colorful ceramic gnomes hide throughout the park giving the kiddies something to do while the grown ups debate the types of foliage. Here are "artists renderings" of some of the highlights that were taken from a vintage book of postcards...

Lovers Leap


The 1,000-ton balanced rock.

The experience culminates at the Fairyland Caverns, a man-made "cave" full of blacklight-sensitive 3-D dioramas of popular nursery rhymes. I remember my folks commenting that something so artificial was out of place and anticlimactic in relation to the natural wonders. But when I was little it was the perfect topper to an already amazing experience.

After encircling one final, dazzling Farilyland display the tour comes to an end. But the day isn't over yet! There's one more opportunity to scour the gift shop for ways to bring home some magic. Here are a couple mementos that I have...

The miraculous penny in a bottle.

In the midst of the self-guided tour there is a booth where you can sit while a lady cuts out a custom silhouette profile from black construction paper. This was supposed to be me in 1977.

Here's an old window decal

Rocky adorns the sack that contains your precious new souvenirs.
But don't let him boss you around regarding your next stop. It's your vacation.

By now, you might suspect that I'm some sort of Rock City shill, but really I'm just a long-time patron who's happy that such a place exists and thankful that it has withstood the post-Disney tourism slump and continues to thrive. So please, by all means... See Rock City.

For more information visit the official Rock City web site.