PHOTOGRAPHY TIP

"The most important things you need for successful nature photography are patience, persistence and dedication. You need to be ready when something spectacular happens."

MY LIFE IN FROSTING

My mom has always been extremely talented when it comes to baking and decorating cakes. She didn't do it full time, but she was hired regularly to create cakes for occasions ranging from local club meetings to some of the swankiest shindigs in the four-state area. This also meant that I had some of the best birthday cakes a kid could ever wish for. And so, I present you with photos of my first fourteen January 20ths.

Age 1- Panda Bear

My wife used this same design for our son's first cake...

Age 2- Tiger

This one was made from an ordinary heart shaped pan.

Age 3- Mickey Mouse (in Bandleader hat)

Ah, my first licensed character.

Age 4- Teepee

It's OK.. I can use the term 'paleface' because I'm white.

Age 5- Batman

From this point on I had gained control of my party themes. My mom picked up cake decorating magazines year round so I had lots of time to deliberate. Batman was an easy choice, and my dad ran with the theme by surprising me with a huge poster of the dynamic duo crashing through the wall. (Robin's toes are barely visible in the upper right of the photo.) Man, I wish I still had that poster. This ingenious cake pan could be decorated as Batman or Superman depending on which head and chest plate was used. A tough decision indeed. The way I saw it, there was only one real solution...

Age 6- Superman

Incidentally, this was probably the peak of cuteness for my sister and me. We just got uglier from that point on.

Age 7- Pirates

I was pirates when pirates wasn't cool. (The sand on the beach was made of brown sugar.)

Age 8- Darth Vader

I know, I know.. how very predictable.

Age 9- Asteroids

My mom informed me that she didn't have time to whip up an elaborate cake that year. But who needed complexity when vector graphics were the state of the art? I ran back to my desk, pulled out some paper and drew the Asteroids playing field by memory. Mom traced the drawing onto cellophane, laid it on top of the cake and etched in the design with a tooth pic. Fifteen minutes later I beheld a masterpiece.

Age 10- E.T.

This party couldn't have had more of a 1980s imprint on it. The theme was E.T. and it was held at the local roller skating rink which was home to walls of arcade games including my favorite of the moment.. Zaxxon. The evening was quite eventful. During the freestyle skating contest my guests and I purposefully skewed the results of the applause-o-meter, causing the worst participant to win. Later I accidentally locked skates with a junior high girl and set in motion a massive skater pile-up. I emerged unharmed but she was carried out of the building. A few days later she accosted me, showed me the largest bruise I had ever seen, and vengefully shoved me to the ground.

Age 11- Plain Chocolate Frosting

This was the year that I forfeited a fancy cake in favor of a more extensive bash. The handful of rascals behind me were but five of nearly fifteen prepubescent ruffians who stayed over that night. We rented a Video Disc Player and dined on homemade pizza as we watched Cloak and Dagger and Twilight Zone: The Movie. At midnight my dad took the entire gang on a surprise hike to the nearby graveyard. Gleeful chaos ensued. The police showed up and everyone scattered, but nobody got nabbed and we all made it home feeling like ninjas. The party became legendary, and it was discussed well into high school.

Age 12- Ghostbusters

I think this is my favorite of the bunch. The slime was made from an edible gel and it really takes the cake to another level.

Age 13- Generic Comic Book

This was the year that I "got serious" about my comic book collecting. Gone were the days of buying off the rack at the neighborhood gas station. I had entered a world where terms like "polybag" " back issue" and "near mint" were spoken freely.
(Comics in photo from left to right: Black Panther, Ambush Bug, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, and Marvel Saga.. all first issues. If I sold them now I could probably make enough cash to buy a comic book. Figures: Darkseid and Martian Manhunter from the Super Powers collection and Spider-Man from Secret Wars. The Thing and Mr. Fantastic ICEE cups sold separately.)

Age 14- South Korean Flag

Neither my friends nor I held any ill will towards the country of South Korea. The choice to put their flag on my birthday cake was made out of pure gratitude for the fact that they had invented tae kwon do (my pastime of choice during that era). The decision to hold it at gunpoint was inspired by Chuck Norris films such as Delta Force and Invasion USA. No need to fret.. the pistol, the sawed-off shotgun, and even the Uzis all came from the local Wal-Mart toy department; and you can bet they weren't subject to those annoying, orange barrel plugs.
(I'm the one with the pained expression and the Joe Cool dressed as Sonny Crockett t-shirt.)

Bonus Cake- Age 22- Ookla the Mok

I had to include this favorite from my college years. Following the long tradition of wonderful birthday cakes my then girlfriend/now wife took the torch and created this excellent design based on an old drawing I had done of Thundarr the Barbarian's sidekick.


Thanks mom for a lifetime of delicious and eye-popping birthdays.

WOULD-BE WEEBLE #5

It's time to get back to my ongoing series of fake Weebles. Once I create enough I'm hoping to put them together and actually update that dusty old Secret Fun Spot which has gone virtually untouched since even before I started this web log (also called a "blog").
You recognize the Weeble right? Why, it's Tron! He deserves to be a part of my imaginary Weeble brigade for so many reasons. (And not just because he adorned my pajamas.)

As a boy I pleaded with my dad to get me to the cinema for this one. However, my desire to see it was the result of a misconception. My brain had led me to believe that the film was based on a Marvel Comic which had caught my eye on many occasions.. Rom: Spaceknight. I suppose it was the combination of the similar names, typefaces, and shiny guys that confused me.
Well, I can thank my ignorance and my father for getting me into the theater because as the feature played my mind was transported to a wonderful place, not unlike an orange getting zapped by a laser. It combined everything I loved.. video games, animation and even frisbee.

As if the film weren't enough, there was the fantastic arcade game.. an instant favorite. And how could it not be? The first time I encountered the machine was at Walt DisneyWorld during my 1982 summer vacation. I was already aware of its existence having seen it featured on an Entertainment Tonight segment, but the morning I entered the Magic Kingdom's newly expanded "Penny Arcade" I was not prepared to find literally dozens of virgin Tron games set up in multiple clusters of four, back to back to back to back. It was a perfect introduction to the game, however my decision to spend many precious theme park hours playing a soon-to-be widespread computer game was quite poor.

GOLDEN BOOK BACKS

My favorite thing about Little Golden Books has always been the back cover. After an enjoyable read such as The Monster at the End of This Book the art on back served as a literary dessert of sorts. Its lure was inescapable and I became a loyal student of that Golden parade of licensed characters. And so I present you with four variations of their rearmost illustrations. (They enlarge when you click 'em.)

1971
The logo takes on a life-giving quality in this gorgeous ensemble. The eyeballed 'gb' looks onward as the crowd revels in its warmth. It's a picture perfect world; A cat touches up the paint job, a fireman inspects every detail, and the little bear has never slept better. The only thing even close to troubling is the sight of Donald Duck delighting in the fact that Tootle the Train is spilling coal.

Mid 1970s (copyright date was torn out)
Now this was the tale that I longed to read! The one where every last Golden Book personality embarks on an epic cross-country adventure by rail.
It's a story peppered with sidesplitting banter between Bugs and Micky who share adjacent train cars. It would include the riveting explanation behind Raggedy Ann and Bambi's dismissal from the train. And readers would struggle to maintain their composure as the tug boat experiences the spectacles of the landlocked American countryside for the very first time.

1977
Suddenly.. it's Big Bird. And sorry kitty, you're old news. Enter a couple of real metropolitan hipsters.. Bert and Ernie. Bert's a staunch traditionalist.. a real square type. Watch as his button-down world gets shattered by Ernie's all-out, in-your-face outrageousness! Together they're the original odd couple.


1987
Inevitably the aesthetics fell apart in the late 80s. In a most disturbing move, Tootle the Train has donned a Hawaiian lei. These days I find myself delighting in the fact that he's still spilling coal.

VRANEY & PETRUCCI'S FUNHOUSE

If you've ever seen art like this...


...on stationary, or a sticker, or at a "low brow" art exhibit then you've seen the work of Lisa Petrucci. And if you've seen something like this...


...on the shelf at Best Buy, or in your own DVD collection then you've seen the handiwork of Mike Vraney, Lisa's husband. He didn't create the film, but as the founder of Something Weird Video he's preserved and distributed hundreds of freakish celluloid rarities.

A few months ago Boing Boing posted a link to a site that showcases Lisa and Mike's spectacular home. The post reminded me of the summer of 2005 when I had the pleasure of spending an evening at the Vraney/Petrucci estate during which and I dined, explored, asked loads of questions, and took a bunch of photos. I recently dug out the snapshots and scanned them for your enjoyment. Since they're from film they're not as sharp as they could be, but I've posted pretty large images in case you want a better look. Just click on any image for a much bigger view.

Let's start with the TV room...

By the way, that video collection is also two rows deep.

That black bar above the TV set is a retractable movie screen. If you look at the wall opposite...

behind that Cannibals poster is a crowded projector room with film canisters stacked from floor to ceiling. (The poster conceals the hole through which the movie is projected into the living room.) This was almost as cool as the 'drive-in' screen they had hanging between two trees in the back yard, no joke!

The walls are covered with the most fantastic display of authentic Spook Show posters that I've ever seen.


The kitchen adjoins the TV room...




The "dining room" has morphed into a library...

Mike was particularly proud of a mysterious painting of Harvey the rabbit (on the right), which I believe he found at a swap meet.


I love the drive-in speakers. I also love everything else.

Let's move on to the "formal" living room...


Of course they have a Weeble Haunted House! (third shelf down)

Enough big-eyed animals to shatter the hardest heart.



In the bedroom...


This stuff was just out in a hallway...


Of all the shelves, why did I choose to get a close-up of this one?

Inside Lisa's studio...



And finally, Mike's secret hideaway...

I only took this picture because they both begged me to. (Vraney is on the right and Funko founder Mike Becker (about 30 pounds heavier than he is now) is on the left.)




They collect toys.