June 21, 2006


Here's an idea.. print, cut out, and put together a "papercraft" version of the mini Freakies cereal box shown above. Povided below is all you need to make a scale replica of an empty box that was originally included in a set of miniature toy food from the 1980s. Oddly enough, these sets were sold years after Freakies were made unavailable.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

You can get the flattened box by clicking the thumbnail image above, or right click and "save as.." on this link. Don't forget to print it out at 'high" quality. And it's best if you use a heavier paper stock. (Also, it may be unclear that you must cut a slit to the left of the "wearables" order form. This is where you slide the tab that is located to the right of the prizes.) Update: I uploaded a new image file that has more accurate color compared to the real box.

What's that? You say you want to hear the story behind the box this was scanned from, and the way it relates to my life? Well, Ok...

Freakies is my favorite cereal in the history of the world. Oh, not because they tasted good, but for the graphics and the characters on the box. As a tyke I admired those funny, little, monstery oddballs and wished to visit their tree hangout under blue skies. Believe it or not, my young mind even appreciated the friendly yellow typeface. The entire box was a work of art. And the prizes were simply the best. They were Freakie-themed as opposed to some generic toy, or a heartless movie promotion. Premiums like the Freakie cars, boats, and figures had play-value that lasted months, or even years after the cereal had been devoured. And how many cereals offered six distinctly different prizes at once?

I was still pretty young when the cherished cereal was discontinued. I missed it, and as I entered middle childhood I continued to talk about it, but none of my friends could remember Freakies. As the years passed I actually started to question whether they ever existed. With no remaining evidence, and nobody to validate my memories I wondered if they were something I had imagined or encountered in a dream.

One day my younger sister and her friend were taking part in an annoyingly loud session of 'play kitchen' while I was trying to watch my after school television lineup. As usual, I aggressively intervened and expressed my irritation. At once I was distracted by a tiny Freakies box no more than two inches high! I struggled to hide my interest, knowing that if the girls sensed my weakness for the item, it would be exploited. It required all the control I could muster, but I successfully appeared unaware of the treasure. I anxiously waited for their game to fizzle, and after they had moved on to the next imaginary realm I had some precious one-on-one time with the box. Not only was it a glorious memento of Saturday mornings past, but it was proof that my sucker friends couldn't remember themselves out of a paper bag.

I immediately constructed my plot to own the box. It involved a 'cooling off' period that allowed my sister to lose interest, followed by a bargain. I don't recall what I swapped for the prize, but I'm sure it was something ridiculously stupid and meaningless which was either immediately eaten or quickly cast aside by my sis. To the contrary, I walked away with the sweetest of spoils.. a trophy which I would preserve for decades. And now with the aid of the internet my master plan will come to fruition as I unleash the box and watch it multiply throughout the world. Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!


Ward Jenkins said...

This is so weird, but I was a big fan of Freakies, as well! I loved playing with all the creatures long after the cereal's initial shelf life. It wasn't until only recently when all my memories came rushing back to me when I found someone had a picture of a Freakies box on their website (somewhere, I don't remember). It was amazing to be reunited with my childhood memories again!

So, uh, what in the world was your sister doing with a 2 inch-high Freakies cereal box anyway? Was it part of her play kitchen set, perhaps?

Ward Jenkins said...

Oh, nevermind. I just went back and re-read the beginning of your post. Me stoopid!

IL said...

Quisp was the love for me. I actually don't remember, or didn't pick up Freakies. They sound pretty cool though. I've been scouring the cereal box isles for anything interesting being done with Superman or Pirates, but these days, it's a cold day in hell when you actually get something in the box. You either get a middling cut-out or you need to mail-in for something that requires a gazillion proof of coupons. It sucks.

Kirk D. said...

Hey Ward, welcome to the Secret Fun Blog! I'm an avid reader of Ward-O-Matic though selfishly, I've yet to post a comment. I'm sorry that your first comment here caused such personal embarassment. Darn the inability to edit. I hope you don't associate the negative experience with this site and shun it from now on. :)

Anyway, we've got a "degrees of separation" thing going because I know (and practically live next door to) the rapper "Listener" who's pals with Mars Ill whom you've designed for and are semi-related to.

Well, thanks for associating as a fellow Freakies lover.

Kirk D. said...

Il- I know that Quisp has remained available in limited markets over the years (supposedly it's so that the makers can retain the rights or something) I found some on a visit to Pennsylvania and brought home a suitcase full.

One of my favorite cereal toys was a glow-in-the-dark pirate skeleton from Cap'n Crunch. I still have it so maybe I'll show and tell about it one of these times.

gentle_dissident said...

i loved the commercials and the toys....even the taste

i love paper craft. if you do, this site should keep ya busy


gentle_dissident said...

my fave toy was a cap'n crunch ship that exploded when you hit a certain spot with a ball

Kirk D. said...

Sheesh, that papercraft site is endless!

Here's another good one...

dean said...

kirk, I;m going to have to find this pic of me as a kid at the table with one of my birthday gifts which was a box of Freakies cereal, I wish I still had all the magnets I tried to collect...later.DTR

Kirk D. said...

I remember that pic Dean. Don't you have a mini freakies box too?

strangebrew said...

oh yes, freakies cereal was the bomb. i had several of the prizes, including the magnets and some kind of balloon powered cars. i did pick up a box of cereal last week because it had a cool flashing pirate skull key ring inside! eggos cereal, which is still uneaten in the cabinet. my wife was not amused. hehehe

Anonymous said...

I loved Freakies cereal. I still have a Freakies refrigerator magnet prominently displayed on my Fridge.

Seems like they had a big blitz of advertising, got us all hooked on them, and then they disappeared overnight.

Jessaminit said...

Man, the jingle for Freakies has been going through my head since childhood. I've been hoping that the commercial itself will show up on YouTube. (Hey, I can dream)

Help me out here "We are the Freakies, we are the Freakies, this is our Freakie tree. We never miss a meal, 'cause we love our cer-e-eal. This is the big boss, we call him Boss Moss, make sure you spell it right" That's all I've got - over and over again - what's the rest?

Kirk D. said...

Strangebrew- good for you for still buying cereal for the prizes. That ability is about the only reason I ever wanted to be an adult.

anynymous-NEVER part with your Freakies magnet, in honor of those who had to.

jessaminit- I have that commercial on tape. I should be a hero and somehow get it on youtube. Though you can buy all of their ads on freakies.com. I also got the lyrics there...

Oh we are the Freakies
We are the Freakies
And this is our Freakies Tree

And we never miss a meal
Cause we love our cereal

This is the Big Boss
We call him BossMoss
Make sure you spell it right

Snorkeldorf they call me
So handsome and pretty

Here’s little Hamhose
He’s got a weird nose
Do I really have to sing?

My name is Grumble
I am Cowmumble
You’re standing on my foot

Gargle is his name
Smartness is my game
I know more than you do

And don’t forget me
I’m Goody-Goody
I always do what’s right
For instance, I eat Freakies
cause it’s got a lot of vitamins
and it’s good for me

Oh we are the Freakies
We are the Freakies
And this is our Freakies Tree