A TALE OF TWO ROAD TRIPS PART I- THE AMUSEMENT PARKS

When it comes to exploring the United States, the time we live in is a sweet spot in the country's history. The information age has given us three game changers: the dashboard Global Positioning System, the digital camera, and the TripAdvisor.

TomToms and the like still seem too good to be true, and feel more futuristic than anything I ever expected I'd live to see. Two gig memory cards eliminate the financial dilemma I used to face when a single photograph could run over half a buck after you figure film and development. To further complicate things, my mom tried to impart in me that a photo without a person in it was wasteful. Now a camera is like a net that captures free pixels right out of the sky. And TripAdvisor is a light that shines justice on the corners of the tourism industry which have survived on ignorance. 

With this triad of tools one can practically say goodbye to curbside atlas study, motel horrors, and the hollow buyers' remorse upon exiting a worthless attraction (unless visiting a worthless attraction was the goal.) And though we are armed with the devices of tomorrow, there are remnants of America's golden age of road travel still to be found.

These are the perfect days for a road trip.

For two consecutive summers I've had reason to travel to western Pennsylvania by car. In an effort to avoid a repeat of last year's trip, I made a point to go different routes and visit different attractions. I viewed it as a chance to experience an alternate version of my journey, and the opportunity to compare the two for future generations.

Both routes were basically the same up until St. Louis. I then headed towards Kentucky last year, while this year I went towards northern Ohio. Both paths had their respective highs and lows, and now I will share my findings with you!

COZY DRIVE IN- SPRINGFIELD, ILLINOIS (2014)
This is one of those Route 66 staples that celebrates their history and makes a point of keeping things "classic," from the sign, to the decor, to the food itself. They've got a Route 66 reading table and tons of great souvenirs all bearing artwork from last century, free of digital drop shadows and other unnecessary Photoshop effects.

The front row is reserved for primary color parking only.





Cozy Dogs are batter-dipped hot dogs on a stick. I won't call them corn dogs because I think that's legally prohibited.

Their adorable mascots are everywhere, as they darn well should be. Anthropomorphic food characters are not uncommon, but rarely do they demonstrate unending love.

Centuries after the Earth has been reduced to space rubble, this rug will still smell like Cozy Dogs.

ROADSIDE BEHEMOTHS 2013 VS. 2014

Last year I found a well kept Big Boy statue and it served as a nice, mild trip enhancer.

But this year amid the miles of monotonous corn fields we encountered what first seemed to be some wonderful hallucination, but it turned out to be the The Pink Elephant Antique Mall in Livingston, Illinois.

The UFO and giant tricycle and pink elephant would have been enough, but ruling over this motley crew of subjects was a genuine Muffler Man!...

How does the age-old saying go again?

"If a Muffler Man ye see
within the first four hundred miles,
a splendid journey it shall be,
and the fun shall not be spiled"
(spile spīl/ n 1. a small wooden peg or spigot for stopping a cask.)

Free of his duties as a former Harley Davidson shill, this jolly giant stands empty handed in a spacious field of misfit attention-getters. The carefree muffler man provides a stark contrast to the shackled pink elephant who is nowhere near retirement.

And what could embody summer vacation magic better than an ice cream stand styled after a giant ice cream cone?! Folks, this isn't some old Kodachrome postcard, this is currently sitting there. That ol', humming freezer is ice cold— right now!

 

Somehow hidden around the corner is a two story shirtless ice cream eater! (That elephant is life-size!)

THE VERDICT: The Illinois route redefines the term "Big Boy." 

CLEVELAND, OH (2014) VS. CAVE CITY, KY (2013)
Whenever I face a full day of driving I like to plan for at least one solid fun stop, and often I plan the whole route around it. A few years ago a guy who sold leg lamps on ebay from A Christmas Story bought Ralphie's house and turned it into an attraction. Since then it's been on my wishlist, but Cleveland is always too out-of-the-way to justify a visit. However, this year I decided to make it on the way.

 

There it is. You can faintly see the leg lamp in the window. This house was actually only used for exterior shots and a few interior shots where you can see out the windows, but they did up the inside to match the movie sets as best they could. Once you get your ticket and listen to a brief spiel about the history of the film the group is turned loose for a hands on tour of the place. You can even use household items as props for your photos. People were pointing the BB gun, caressing the leg lamp, and even dropping the blue bowling ball into their husbands' laps.

They had the bathroom set up like the decoder ring scene...

You can't see it here, but you could climb into the little cupboard where Randy hid and sulked. Some people from our group had the foresight to bring Christmas sweaters so that they could use their photos for their annual Christmas card. This was a cruel reminder that I don't live life to its fullest potential.

 
And there it is, the actual leg lamp. (Note: this is not the actual leg lamp, rather it's a reproduction from the gift shop.) This vast gift shop was located across the street in a building twice the size of the main house. (There was also a museum with some costumes, props and such located in a third building.)

They had an entire wing dedicated to National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation which was about half the size of the Christmas Story retail space. Then another area about half the size of that was reserved for the Elf product line. This layout seemed to reveal the proportionate cultural impact of each film.

Department 56 finally got off its high horse and produced a glass figurine of Cousin Eddie emptying his septic tank.

They left no merchandising stone unturned, offering replicas of most any Christmas Story prop you can think of. From the obvious bunny suit to the goggled hat worn by the kid who talked to Ralphie in the department store line for thirty seconds. And of course, Lifebuoy soap...

The attraction itself gave us a lot to talk about for many miles of road. The house is positioned squarely in a dense, functioning neighborhood full of narrow, 25mph streets and people going about their lives. Many of the surrounding homes are in really rough shape. A handful of TripAdvisor reviewers say they were too afraid to even stop. So there's an interesting contrast between unvarnished Cleveland and the hordes of snap-happy sightseers. I don't imagine the locals were too pleased when their home transformed into a tourist destination. Although at least two of the neighbors seem okay with it because they turned their yards into paid parking. This only brings up more questions. Who started charging first? How miffed were they when the other one started?  What happens when one decides to charge a dollar less? There's the Christmas Story house, but more intriguing is the Christmas Story house story.

CAVE CITY, KY (2013)
I've wanted to visit Cave City, Kentucky ever since I discovered this old postcard. I knew that the novelty shop from the postcard was gone, and the combination wax museum/soda fountain/mini golf course had finally shut down, but the Mammoth Cave National Forest isn't going anywhere, so the town will always draw a steady stream of tourists. And though it may be past its prime in some sense, they've managed to hang on to some unadulterated, American vacationland magic. Case in point...

The Wigwam Village Motel! There used to be a number of these scattered around the states, and a couple still remain out west, but this is among the last of its kind. This place was among the very first "roadside attractions" designed to entice the earliest cross-country auto travelers in history. Past or present, this is the type of place that can turn a days-long car ride into a fantasy.

Each teepee is a small, yet comfortable motel room. The place was well maintained and well appreciated. There wasn't a vacant room in the bunch, and I don't jest when I say that a week prior to our visit Garth Brooks and his road crew rented the entire facility for an overnight stay.

Naturally, the biggest wigwam houses the office and gift shop. It included a restaurant once upon a time.

The inside is a cornucopia of wood paneling and pegboard. It smelled pleasantly musty. I got tingly thinking about the fact that this structure has served as a dark, cool retreat for vacationers since the 1930s. I imagined kids from all of my favorite decades walking through that door, from the coonskin cap-wearing boys of the '50s, to the bellbottom-wearing girls of the late '60s, to the '80s kids with their Ronald Reagan wallets, a Rubik's cube in each pocket, and their constant Mr. T impressions.

This. This stack of toy Indian drum souvenirs is what you want to see while on vacation. It's close to what my dad saw when he was little, and now my own son got to experience it. God bless America.

Novelty mannequins, effigies, and wax figures are another sign that you're vacationing in the right spot.

After our blissful night in our cone-shaped room we drove into town to locate an attraction called Guntown Mountain. It's a mini western themed amusement park that's only accessible by way of a sky ride. It's closed during the week, but I was still able to get some snapshots of the pre-skyride area. Here are three, out of the oodles that I took...

It sounds like it's one of those places that teeters between greatness and disrepair. Like all great amusement parks it was ravaged by a fire a while back, however, my sources tell me that it's currently operational and seems to be improving. (My sources=the internet) Next time, old friend.

I knew that Guntown Mountain was not going to fit into our schedule, but I was hoping to patronize their souvenir shop, and I was halfway successful. Sharing a parking lot with Guntown is Smith's Country Store, an establishment that was once officially linked to the theme park. Now it's independent though symbiotic, and they do sell an array of official Guntown merch.

I pulled in moments after the store had opened. The coin operated horse and the RC Cola vending machine tipped me off that this place just might be something special. 

Upon entering, the clerk seemed perplexed and asked me if there was something he could do for me. Not a standard "can I help you?" but a statement suggesting that I looked as though I had something big on my mind, like a business deal or an auto accident. I offered an "I'm just looking." but his confusion returned moments later as I gleefully darted through the aisles taking pictures and capturing video. Because ladies and gentlemen, on that day I found the perfect souvenir shop.

The product was aged yet orderly, and every genus of souvenir was represented, from Thimbles to Fool's Gold to Bumper Stickers to Hillbilly. There were checkerboard tiled floors, wood paneled walls, and teal shelves all around!

As if my senses weren't being pleasured enough, the entire experience was accompanied by the powerful aroma of smoked country ham.

The only thing that could have made it better would've been an old section of pranks and magic tricks, though it did have a selection of rack toys, most of the "Cowboys and Indians" variety. Yet among them I found a Star Wars knock-off cap gun that had been hanging on a peg since 1978 (see photo at the end of Part II), and it was 50% off of its 1970s price! This was a joy until I considered the possible implications of such a sale. Most of the souvenir items were half price and this terrifies me. Was Smith's Country Store on the brink of a transformation, or... a closure, after decades of beautiful stagnation? Just as I first discovered it? I know, I should be thankful that I experienced it this way, just in time. What bittersweet fate is this that I must endure?! In truth, I don't know if it's changed at all since then. Either way it shall always remain just as I first saw it, in my heart.

But wait, what is that over there to the left of the store? Good...heavens.

No way! It's a freestanding, self-guided haunted funhouse that's immaculately maintained though it's been there since the 70s!!!

The attraction was not operational that morning. This saddened me until a video on youtube revealed that the haunts inside have been modernized, though I am impressed that the place is still so functional. The Haunted Hotel used to be called the Haunted House, and it housed scares from the golden age of dark rides that were produced by Funni-Frite, one of the industry pioneers. (A pre-update tour can be seen here.) One of the few original fixtures is this piano playing "Charmin' Charles" that's visible from the outside...




THE VERDICT: There's no contest, the Christmas Story house is a fine example of modern tourism, but Cave City offers a gateway to the heyday of the American road trip.

Back to 2014, there's a town called Tionesta, PA that has a tiny town within a town made up of retail shops.

They also have a landlocked mini lighthouse...

There was a hardware store selling a cool rubber coyote that's intended to scare away geese. (Travelers' tip: don't call it a wolf; the clerk was appalled.)

VILLA ITALIA, OIL CITY, PA (2014)
We were hungry for lunch whilst passing through Oil City and happened upon this place, Villa Italia...

Normally, I wouldn't consider a random pizza joint blogworthy, but this place was just so great. It's been around since the 1950s, as indicated by its A-Frame architecture.

Look at the length of those center booths! Something about it reminded me of the type of restaurant that the Family Circus would have eaten at during their comics from the 60s. Am I right? That's a normal thought that anyone might think, right?...

I loved the lived-in look, and the view, and the pizza, and the fact that it's open 24 hours. I can't even think of quips to make about this place because it's so right, and sincere.

CARNEGIE SCIENCE CENTER (2014) VS. DUQUESNE INCLINE (2013) PITTSBURGH, PA
It's a silly contest because last year we had only an hour to kill in Pittsburgh so we went to the incline, as opposed to this year when we had a couple of days.



The incline was really cool and the top of it looks sort of like a haunted house. (In this post you will see heavy use of the word 'haunted.')

This year The Carnegie Science Center was super-great, and there was so much to see. We'd never taken our eight-year-old to any sort of kids' museum, so this was a major event. We started our day in the USS Requin submarine...

 

 I was delighted to find that it was full of relics from the 1940s.

Then we waltzed into RoboWorld, a massive floor of interactive robot-related exhibits. I was most interested in the the wall of famous 'bot replicas which included...

Dewey from Silent Running (which, by the way, was a big inspiration for the robots in Mystery Science Theater 3000.)

Robby! Note my perfect timing, as I captured his lit-up neon mouth the moment he spoke. (Confession: I had to delete many photos of the darkened mouth.)

And Gort from The Day The Earth Stood Still!

They also had an enormous huge train set based on Western Pennsylvania where the lighting gradually turned from day to night. This was my favorite thing in it, Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater...

THE VERDICT: Visit both the incline and the science center!

CRANBERRY MALL VS. MONROEVILLE MALL

Lately I've been in the mood to visit a mall. They were once a summertime haven for me, but then Camelot Music, SunCoast Movies, Kay-Bee Toys, B. Dalton Books, Woolworths and the cool novelty shops all disappeared. My quest to revisit this institution led me to the town of Cranberry, PA to a mall that my wife sometimes visited as a kid...


It doesn't look to have changed much considering the comforting globe light fixtures and diagonal wood planks.

I was glad to see that one of the store spaces was being turned into a temporary haunted house for the upcoming season.

But in the Harsh Reality department I must report that maybe a fifth of the stores were closed.



I'm not some big advocate for malls, but in a sociological sense I find it strange that the American Mall is now understood as a mere passing trend in retail. A costly one that has left hundreds of square miles of wasteland in our towns and cities. I would not have guessed that the populous would start flocking to the newer, non-climate controlled outdoor malls, or prefer driving from giant store to giant store. Thus, my stock portfolio is a disaster.

Anyway, the very next day I visited a mall that seems to be thriving, the Monroeville Mall of Monroeville, PA. Truth be told the main attraction for me was it's role in the film Dawn of the Dead (1978). Somehow I completely missed their zombie themed store, but I took some shots of a few spots that look like they may not have seen much change since George Romero turned loose his undead.

The interior looks nothing like it did in the film, but there is a car inside which sure came in handy in the movie. It also still has a music shop and a toy store, plus some old staples like Orange Julius, Spencers, and Vitamin World.

THE VERDICT: Cranberry was a nostalgic yet depressing history lesson. Monroeville was healthy, but like so many malls that got facelifts in the 90s it now resembles a polished, opulent palace with its marble columns and such. I like my malls casual, a bit dim, and smelling of water fountains. I say visit Cranberry because I know Monroeville will be around for a while.

STEEL CITY CON, MONROEVILLE, PA

In a moment of beautiful serendipity I realized that the Steel City Con was taking place on one of my Pittsburgh days. I'm often jealous of east coast collectors and their host of convention choices. A year ago I read this write up of the Steel City Con on Cool and Collected with a heart full of envy, thinking such an event was nowhere near my life's destiny. Then somehow I found myself standing in front of the same astonishing assortment of non-sports trading cards I'd fawned over in the write-up.

It's always fun to see stuff like this in real life...

 

 

Celebrity-wise the big draw looked to be Billy Dee Williams, but he had yet to emerge when I walked through. I was happy to see Penny Marshall though. Just think, she may have used this same hand gesture while directing Tom Hanks in Big.

Upon my return I discovered that one of my fellow bloggers, Erick of Wonderful Wonderblog, had been there too. 

Okay, here is the crux of this entire, bloated post...
KENNYWOOD OF WEST MIFFLIN, PA VS. WALDAMERE OF ERIE, PA

I learned about Kennywood soon after I first "got serious" about haunted rides. It has a long history with dark attractions and they currently have three of them. More recently it's known as the park where Adventureland was filmed. I knew this and then somehow forgot about it while visiting the park, and then remembered back home. What a ridiculous brain I have.

Here are some highlights...

Their logo has wacky, off-kilter lettering. Big thumbs up for that.


They've got a roller coaster named after a vengeful ghost that boasts the best roller coaster sign I've ever witnessed.

They've got a stuffed grim reaper nonchalantly tossed in among their prizes.

This sign is really good. One of the riders is Noah from their Noah's Ark funhouse and another is Laughing Sal, which I'll get to in a moment.


This is Laughing Sal. It's a constantly laughing animatronic character. These were once very popular in carnivals, and were usually associated with funhouses and dark rides. Now there are only several dozen that are accessible to the public, and this one is fully restored and fully functional, exuding all of its original creepy-and-annoying-ness.

Their refreshment stand is a masterwork of neon typography.

And the three dark attractions...

Ghostwood Estate, an interactive shoot 'em up ride that retains classical spook house styling inside and out. No, I'm not posting a video. I'm done doing that.



Garfield's Nightmare, the latest iteration of a longstanding Kennywood dark ride. It's a kid friendly boat-through by blacklight.

This was the heart of the visit for me, the Noah's Ark walk-through funhouse. It was built in 1936 and though it's seen many changes and updates, it still oozes with charm.

Noah looks different than I always imagined...

Kennywood was all I had hoped for, but we were there on a Friday night so long lines limited our experience.  Now let us go back one year to my time at...



WALDAMERE PARK- ERIE, PA

Waldamere is smaller than Kennywood and has fewer major rides, but the moment I walked in I was reminded of the theme park I frequented in my youth, Bell's Amusement Park of Tulsa, so I was instantly on a higher plane of enjoyment.

I took the sky ride (something I wish Kennywood had) for an overview of their many time-honored amusements.

Hand painted signs like these are so ideal that they belong in Plato's Realm of Forms...

The Ferris Wheel  is newfangled by comparison with its marvelous '70s Tomorrowland styling.

Their Skee Ball banks are perfection.

I thought it would be fun to take a photo of this haunted ticket-giving game. Turns out I was correct.

But all of these are mere appetizers leading up to the main course of dark attractions...

Pirate's Cove is a semi-spooky walk-through funhouse with shaking floors and singing skeletons and everything else that makes a house fun. (Oh, alright. Video available here.)

Just a few yards away is The Whacky Shack!! Both rides were created by master dark ride designer, Bill Tracey.

 

You see, the Whacky Shack is an identical cousin to the now dead Phantasmagoria ride which was a touchstone of my childhood and influenced my entire aesthetic. (I've written thousands of words about it, and made a dedicated site for it.)

I will spare you the fifty something pictures I took of Whacky Shack. I could not walk past the ride without getting out my camera. "I know, I already immortalized it at two o'clock, but now it's three and the subtleties of the lighting are all different." Unlike the Phantas, the Shack is exquisitely maintained.

Riding it was simply amazing. For me it was like getting to spend time with someone you never thought you'd see again. Oddly enough, the thing that struck me most was the smell. It's a cool, musty, oily aroma, the one element of the experience that I can't reproduce when I reminisce. (Here's a ride-through video, sans smell.)

VERDICT: Both parks are proud of their their heritage, and both are well loved by management and patrons alike. Kennywood is bigger and has more thrill rides (which are wasted on me), while Waldamere is cozier and features smaller amusement park classics. Kennywood has great dark rides, but Waldamere has the Whacky Shack which pretty much trumps everything for me. So my personal pick is Waldamere, but thrill-seekers may want to head down to Kennywood.

CONTINUED IN PART II!...

AN INTRODUCTION TO YACHT ROCK

[I wrote this with Reddit's vinyl collecting section in mind, but there's plenty retro-fun to be found in Yacht Rock, so I put it here too.]

When I was growing up I typically craved distorted guitars and plenty of percussion, but even then I had a soft spot for soft rock. Several years ago Channel 101’s comedy web series, Yacht Rock, (contains NSFW language) rekindled my affection for the nonthreatening sounds of classic lite rock hits. Soon my record collection set sail for more tranquil waters.

The Yacht Rock show consists of a dozen shorts that build a hilarious mythology around the creation of soft rock songs of the ‘70s and ‘80s, while spoofing the artists, culture and industry that birthed them. Rather than attempting to cover the entire soft rock spectrum, Michael McDonald and Kenny Loggins are the central figures. The creators “devised the series after noticing the incestuous recording careers of such bands as Steely Dan, Toto, and The Doobie Brothers, and the singer-songwriters Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald."

The term Yacht Rock plays off the nautical imagery that found its way into so many album covers and lyrics of the time, and it's an apt description of the smooth grooves that seem perfectly suited for the boat shoe and bikini lifestyle. The Yacht Rock moniker has transcended the web series to emerge as its own belated subgenre.

The Yacht Rock era spans from about 1975 to 1984. It took root in the latter half of the '70s when a number of soft rockers veered away from the stripped down singer-songwriter sound in favor of more Jazz-oriented arrangements, resulting in an “urban contemporary finish.” The style, which appealed to fans of pop, R&B, and rock, was at home all over the radio dial. The sound and aesthetic merged seamlessly with the existing culture. The ‘70s charts were already kind to easy-goers like Manilow and Streisand, and the desire to “Steal Away” to a tropical “Escape” was a goal shared by commoners and seafaring yuppies alike.

As the 1980s progressed the easy sounds of Yacht Rock were practically drowned out. MTV, the dominant trendsetter in the times, focused on music with a more energetic, youthful vibe. Yacht Rockers seemed out of place both stylistically and demographically. The channel was blamed for stunting the careers of artists possessing little visual flair such as Christopher Cross.

Some stayed hip by adapting a more lively sound. Kenny Loggins cut “Footloose” and headed for the “Danger Zone” while Hall and Oates made more noise on their ‘84 album Big, Bam, Boom. The strategy didn’t pan out for everyone, Christopher Cross turned to the dark side and introduced loud snares and wah wah pedals on his ‘85 release, Every Turn of the World, which turned out to be a commercial failure.

A personal theory is that Yacht Rock’s demise may have been assisted by Miami Vice. While it kept the tropical setting in vogue throughout the ‘80s, the influential TV series saw to it that beaches and palms no longer amounted to serene utopia; suddenly they served as a backdrop to underworld deals and high action. The show also shifted attention from the chilled-out West Coast to vibrant Miami.

I used to think it odd that so many young, male artists living in such a volatile musical landscape of punk, new wave, disco and hard rock chose to make music so relatively peaceful and agreeable, songs that might appeal to their own parents. But having fully immersed myself in their golden tones it’s easy to understand the allure. As an adult I can appreciate the music as a means to serenity. Life tends to supply enough percussion and distortion.

This brings us to a guided tour of my own Yacht Rock assortment which stays close to the artists featured in the show, like an extended soundtrack. Yet, it should become obvious that my fondness goes well beyond the show. It may have pulled me in, but I stayed for the music. There are plenty of acquisitions yet to be made (Ambrosia, Robbie Dupree, Player and so on) but that just means the thrill of the hunt isn’t over.




Steely Dan- Aja (1977)
Listing Steely Dan among the Yacht Rock set will cause many to take offense, citing their Mensa approved time signatures, their multifarious arrangements, and their production values from on high. Yet just as Lucifer fell from paradise, Steely Dan begat Yacht Rock. Members of Toto cut their teeth as session musicians on several Dan records, and Michael McDonald got his start singing backup for the band. It was former Steely Dan guitarist Jeff “Skunk” Baxter who suggested that McDonald join the Doobie Brothers. He took their offer and tore down their proverbial rock and roll roadhouse to build a piano jazz club with lush leather seats and a fountain in the lobby.

This album is one of the few “high brow” entries on the list, and it does indeed transcend the Yacht Rock genre. Allmusic Guide says that Steely Dan “reached new heights” with this release and the band “ignores rock… preferring to fuse cool jazz, blues, and pop together in a seamless, seductive fashion.” It’s a defining template for Yacht Rock if I ever heard one. Steely Dan is like the well of jazzy smoothness that lubricated everything in its wake.




The Doobie Brothers- Minute By Minute (1978)
The thread that weaves the Yacht Rock quilt together is Michael McDonald. He joined the Doobies in 1975 to replace Tom Johnston whose health was failing. McDonald was more than a stand-in, his “blue-eyed soul” was a velvety pillow that smothered out most of the funky jangles the Doobies had built their sound on. As Wikipedia says, he placed “more emphasis on compound chords and unusual, complex chords and sophisticated progressions with key changes and longer, more developed melody lines.”

Minute By Minute is the third of the four McDonald-era Doobie albums and soon after its release the band was ready to call it quits. McDonald himself was doubting his own sound, and actually agreed with one of his friends who told him that Minute By Minute “sounds like $#!t.” That’s a statement only a fool would believe considering the album charted at number one, and the song “What A Fool Believes” earned them their first Grammys. McDonald can’t take all of the credit, some must go to the co-writer and Yacht Rock staple, Kenny Loggins.




Kenny Loggins- Nightwatch (1978)

Kenny Loggins got his start in the early ‘70s as half of the successful duo, Loggins and Messina, whose folky music foreshadowed the Yacht Rock movement in some ways. However, as his career progressed Loggins kept one foot in the pools of tranquility while dipping the other deep into the perilous rapids of hard rock.

Nightwatch is Loggins’ second solo effort and it gave him his first big solo hit, “Whenever I Call You “Friend,”” a duet with Stevie Nicks. The album is a portrait of a young artist testing the waters of different genres and recording techniques.

He strays further from his mellow roots than ever before. Quiet moments exist, but they are more sultry and atmospheric than pure Yacht Rock smooth. The big exception being “Wait A Little While” that bubbles with jaunty keys, strings, and flutes. Overall, the songs are pretty diverse stylistically, and he even throws a couple cover tunes in the mix. In hindsight, the more rambunctious tracks seem to be his gateways to the danger zone.

Most importantly, Nightwatch marks the historic union of the beards, which is to say the first collaboration between Loggins and Michael McDonald. They made the peculiar decision to record and release their own respective versions of their first co-written track “What a Fool Believes” during the same year. McDonald’s take (which appears on the Doobie Brothers’ Minute By Minute) is light, bouncy and more straightforward than Loggins’ which is more punchy and percussive. Midway through the song Kenny throws in a kitchen sink full of elements like trendy sounding synthesizers, guitar wailing, and old time radio vocal effects. Though the Loggins version came out five months before it, the Doobies’ rendition was released as a single and became their biggest hit. However, they both came away with a Grammy. Loggins and McDonald did the same thing in 1982 when they co-wrote and co-released their own versions of the song “I Gotta Try.”




Toto- Self Titled (1978)
If Michael McDonald is the center of the Yacht Rock world then the guys in Toto are the center of the LA pop rock universe. With skills that were honed as session musicians on hundreds of the most popular records of the decade (including Yacht Rock fathers, Steely Dan), David Paich and Jeff Porcaro decided to make their own music. Their first album is made up of radio ready diddies that fuse a wide range of styles. They often put the guitars up front but there’s an undercurrent of seaworthy jazz rock throughout the album.

Toto have never been the coolest band on the dial, more accurately, they’ve been the whipping boys of the pop music scene. Their critics found a multitude of reasons to criticize them: they’re just a bunch of session players, they fuse too many genres, they’re jazz guys posing as hard rockers, they never found their voice, they have too many vocalists, there’s a “lack of depth or daring,” they’re ugly, their name brings to mind an annoying little dog, and so on. I’ll add that the chorus of one of their early hits resembles a terrible pick up line, “You supply the night, baby, I’ll supply the love.” then on “Georgy Porgy” they repeat a line from a nursery rhyme literally thirteen times.

William Ruhlmann at Allmusic guide makes an interesting point in explaining some of the critical hate when he says, “Toto's rock-studio chops allowed them to play any current pop style... It all sounded great, but it also implied that music-making took craft rather than inspiration and that the musical barriers critics like to erect were arbitrary.” Their many styles are the reason they settled on the name Toto. In Latin it translates to “all-encompassing.”

Critics aside, I think there’s a lot to love about this album: solid playing, impeccable production, and super catchy melodies. You’ll find yourself listening to side two thinking again and again, “Wow, this song could have been another hit.” then— Bam! the opening chords of “I’ll Supply The Love” kick on and you smile knowing you’ve nodded your head to it a thousand times before, and you ask yourself, “What have I done to deserve this awesome moment?” Then you realize the truth— you don’t deserve this.

Okay, here’s full disclosure: Toto was the first band I ever saw live. Does that make me biased? Not at all. Actually, I’m one of the few who was able to judge them by their music alone because I saw them when I was in the sixth grade, when music carried no baggage, and when coolness was a foreign concept. I simply heard it and loved it.




Kenny Loggins- Keep the Fire (1979)
In which we find Kenny on a mystical, airbrushed beach adorned in wizards’ robes. This is proof that Yacht Rockers don’t always take their inspiration from the sea; sometimes they find it on the side of a customized van. In addition to letting us peek into his glowing crystal ball, Loggins plays for us his most eclectic (some might say disjointed) assortment of songs. The tracks are an even split between soft and rock. Further dividing the record are the styles, which range from boogie, to jungle rhythm, to lullaby.

“Mr. Night” is well known thanks to its appearance on the Caddyshack soundtrack, but the shining gem straight from the wizard’s hat is “This Is It,” the second powerhouse to come from the collective minds of Loggins and McDonald. Unlike their first collaboration, “What A Fool Believes,” this time it was Loggins who got to ride the insta-classic to the top of the charts. It’s also likely that this writing session is when Loggins and McDonald made their blood vow to never shave their beards.




Christopher Cross- Self-Titled (1979)
Cross found little support in his home state of Texas, so he took his talent to LA where he somehow bottled the lifestyle and let it pour slowly, all over the radio waves. His pristine voice was one of the first to be immortalized in ones and zeros, which is to say his self-titled album was among the first to be digitally recorded. In 1981 he sent soft rock sailing to new heights by becoming the only artist to win all of the Big Four Grammy awards: Record of the Year, Album of the Year, Song of the Year, and Best New Artist, famously beating out Frank Sinatra and Pink Floyd. All hail the skipper of Yacht Rock!

He wasn’t the first, and his style isn’t rooted in jazz, but Christopher Cross created the quintessential Yacht Rock album. It’s got all the criteria: Michael McDonald on backup vocals, A major nautical motif that culminates in the angelic, “Sailing,” and he’s got a sound that out-smooths the smoothest in the biz, like honey flowing down a flamingo’s throat. Compared to Cross, McDonald sounds like a shopping cart tumbling down a giant cheese grater. We also have this record to thank for a sketch on SCTV starring Rick Moranis as Michael McDonald.




Steely Dan- Gaucho (1980)
Described as "a concept album of seven interrelated tales about would-be hipsters." Gaucho was the only Steely Dan album released at the height of the Yacht Rock trend, coexisting with the scene they inadvertently fostered.

The recording process was plagued with difficulties: guitarist Walter Becker was hit by a car, his girlfriend overdosed, and he delved deeper into drug addiction. The album went over budget and also sparked a legal battle with their record labels. All this on top of the band’s ongoing battle for sonic perfection, which maddened many of the forty-two studio musicians that recorded for it. Their ability to demonstrate smoothness despite the rough seas of life is extremely Yacht Rockish of them, and the record still yielded one of their greatest hits, “Hey, Nineteen.”

Critics tend to agree that this record doesn’t reach the heights of Aja, saying things like: it embodies “the shellacked vapidity of their Los Angeles lifestyles,” and it lacks the “elegant aura” of their previous release. My ear still isn’t attuned to the differences, but their obsessiveness is obvious to me. This perfectionism led to the early use of a drum editing machine that cobbled together moments from dozens of takes, creating a drumline that their human drummer could not match. (Which happened to be Toto’s Jeff Porcaro.) Reflecting on their time in the studio, Walter Becker once said, “It wasn't fun at all, really.” Steely Dan hit a wall once they reached the dawn of the 1980s, and spent the most of the new decade on a long hiatus.




The Doobie Brothers- One Step Closer (1980)
The sun sets on the cover of One Step Closer just as the heyday of the Doobie Brothers was coming to an end. The Doobies had nearly extinguished themselves after their last album, and this effort seems like a halfhearted attempt to ride the wave of popularity they gained with Minute By Minute.

With the smoothification of the Brothers fully justified by their Grammy, Michael McDonald was once again at the helm crushing any resistance with his well-groomed facial hair. They had a moderate hit with the song “Real Love,” but having released nine albums in ten years, the Doobies were officially cashed for a number of years, not unlike their predecessors, Steely Dan. However, the negative circumstances surrounding One Step Closer doesn’t mean that it’s not a fine way to round out a Yacht Rock listening session.




Toto IV (1982)
After a sophomore slump and a junior junker (to coin a phrase), Toto managed to muster a collection of songs that sailed them to the pinnacle of their success. The solution to their losing streak was two-pronged: first, they reinstated the all-powerful sword and rings artwork, and logo from their debut, and second, they got smoother.

The six Grammy winning record produced three unstoppable hits: “Rosanna,” “Africa,” and “I Won’t Hold You Back,” and not a one was primarily driven by guitars. Only Toto could manage a radio hit out of a song with a keyboard solo straight out of Disney’s Main Street Electrical Parade. Of course I’m referring to “Rosanna” which is often falsely believed to be based on actress, Rosanna Arquette since she dated the keyboardist. The name actually comes from a swing-jazz drum pattern the band devised for the song that they called the “Rosanna shuffle.” Regardless of the name, when I was a kid I was struck by the singer’s conviction in the line, “I didn’t know you were looking for more than I could ever be.” and possibly for the first time, I realized that songs can be an expression of all types of emotion, even anger and dejection.

Toto’s success followed them into one of their next projects as most of the group played on Michael Jackson’s Thriller, and Steve Porcaro co-wrote the smoothest track of the bunch, “Human Nature,” cementing the King of Pop into the Yacht Rock family.




Michael McDonald- If That’s What It Takes (1982)
If there still exists a skeptic who wants further evidence that McDonald commandeered the Doobie Brothers, making them his backup band, I present his first solo album which sounds a lot like a continuation of his Doobie days. Yet by some miracle he actually manages to take things down a notch. It’s so smooth that the grooves on the record look like pools of hot tar.

He proved his hit-making abilities with “Keep Forgettin’ (Every Time You’re Near).” He also had the newfound freedom to use unnecessary parenthetical titles. Truth is, I think the album also reveals that as subdued as they may have been, the Doobies who weren’t Michael McDonald added some much needed flavor to his songs. Yes, Yacht Rock should be smooth, but you’ve got to stay awake at the helm or you’ll never get your boat back to shore.





Christopher Cross- Another Page (1983)
True to its title, the followup to Christopher Cross’s unbelievably successful debut sounds like a continuation of the first record, another page of the same chapter if you will. Considering its quality, that’s not a bad thing. In hindsight it was also a wise decision because when he did abandon the flamingo sound on his next album, Every Turn Of The World, he also abandoned most of his audience. He had the audacity to put a race car on the cover! But the flamingo returned on the one after that, and now the bird serves as a code indicating which of his records are smooth and pure Christopher.

Another Page had three Top 40 hits though it never had a chance of meeting the Grammy-crazy success of its predecessor. Few songs in the history of song singing can bring as much hope as “It’s Alright.” I highly recommend giving it a spin when you’re in need of some quick encouragement. It’s alright. I think we’re going to make it. I think it might work out fine this time. There, see how good that feels?

The record sleeve is an achievement in itself because it’s the most eighties thing that ever eightiesed.









Michael McDonald- Sweet Freedom (12” Single) (1986)
McDonald’s contribution to the Running Scared (1986) soundtrack turned out to be Yacht Rock’s last hurrah. It surfaced a couple years after the trend had set sail, and I suspect much of its success is a result of the video that was all over MTV that summer, and basically a trailer for the film. It takes place in some sort of beach bar that gets invaded by Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal’s smug face. McDonald plays straight man while the movie stars improvise sight gags.

As if Yacht Rock were bellowing its last gasp, the song hits hard on the nautical notes. It features steel drums, and the video is rife with maritime imagery. McDonald is actually wearing a Hawaiian shirt. However, as much as I'd like to imagine that this was Michael's proclamation of his Yacht Rock nobility, in truth, the beach motif is less an artistic choice, and more of a nod to the film.

I despised this song when it was still playing all the time. Then a couple years later a local news program started using the intro during their sports segment (It was also used in college basketball coverage on CBS). Once it was free of its context and of Billy Crystal’s face I was able to understand its tremendous appeal. Now, thanks to this 12” single, I own four different versions of it and I’ve been known to play all four back to back, much to my family’s chagrin.




Boz Scaggs- Silk Degrees (1976)
A multimillion selling granddaddy of the genre with its beachfront cover and a title named after one of the smoothest fabrics in existence. Its biggest hits were co-written by Toto member David Paich, while his fellow Toto mates appear all over the record.




The Eagles- Hotel California (1977)
You’d be hard-pressed to find a record with more of a chill ‘70s West Coast flavor, though the Eagles seem to favor the desert over the shoreline.




Pablo Cruise- Worlds Away (1978)
Few artists manage to make a nautical connection right in the name of their group. Basically, there’s Captain and Tennille, and these guys. Then they hammer it home with a palm tree in their logo, a sunset on the cover, and a title that suggest a boat trip! “Love Will Find A Way” is a bona fide Yacht Rock anthem.



Rupert Holmes- Partners in Crime (1979)
With one breezy tune known as “Escape (The Piña Colada Song),” Rupert Holmes beat Jimmy Buffett at his own game. (For the record, Buffett is not considered Yacht Rock. As the web series puts it he’s, "mellow, but not smooth. Kinda $#!tty.") But Rupert’s notion of an island escape is second hand. He seems to sing from the perspective of an average joe to whom the Yacht Rock lifestyle is more of a coffee break fantasy. The album’s lyrics sound like they came from the journal of a college freshman venting his frustration with women, but his dorky sincerity makes you almost feel sorry for him. Who puts “If you have half a brain.” in a singles ad?




10cc- Motion Picture Soundtrack (1975)
The album is not the soft rock epic you might expect based on their hit “I’m Not In Love.” These guys are art rockers that happened to make a song that sounds great while holding hands in the sunset.




Hall and Oates- Private Eyes (1981)
In the Yacht Rock series, Hall and Oates are the antagonists, but they’re sort of like East Coast, Atlantic Ocean Yacht Rock since they’re from Philadelphia. They’re more influenced by Motown than by jazz, but still, they’re smooth players who have been listened to on more than a few boats.