FOOT: PHANTOM OF THE FOREST

In 2004 FunKo founder Mike Becker and I co-wrote a short film called Foot: Phantom of the Forest to accompany a Bigfoot Wacky Wobbler. We employed the extremely talented Vance Reeser to bring it to life under our co-direction, along with music and sound from Jamey Clayberg. Four complicated years later the film debuted at the San Diego Comic Con film festival and was sold with the Wobbler as planned.

No doubt most of the DVDs are still "mint in pack." Fortunately the fifteen minute short was semi-recently made available for all to see, including you, if you would kindly put on some headphones, click play, and then hit the "full screen" button...

MOON MONSTER COMMERCIAL BY JASON WILLIS

Jason Willis has been improving my Halloween seasons for nearly a decade. My iTunes is brimming with vintage Halloween LPs that were originally offered on his Scar Stuff blog, most of which were nearly impossible to find before that. (Do not miss his Goula-Rama and Spook Party mixes!) After sharing his music collection he began making his own spooky video creations and unleashing them on us each October. This year is no exception!

The subject this time around is the classic 1970 comic book ad for the free Moon Monster poster (and horror fan club membership.) The source material is obviously near to my heart, in fact, Jason contributed the photo of one of the Moon Monster posters that appears in my book, Mail-Order Mysteries.

Best thing is, Jason absolutely does justice to something that could be so easy to get wrong. He takes the old comic book aesthetic and somehow enhances it. He also knows how to use all the little details to add layers of authenticity both visually and aurally. So I invite you to check out his latest masterwork that answers the question: what if the products sold in comic books were also advertised on television?



If you watched to the end you know there's more to it than just the commercial. Jason has also put together a downloadable, printable Moon Monster horror kit with all the trimmings! Just go here!

Let's not stop there! Here's Jason's take on a TV spot for a 1953 issue of Adventures Into Darkness.



Great huh? So why not check out the rest of his Halloween filmography? I've discussed this one before, it's a visualization of the 1973 Johnson Smith Horror Record using Eerie Publications artwork! Beware, this is so much more gory that you are expecting!..



And now a stop motion video for my favorite Halloween song...



Up next is a Halloween Safety film that Jason actually appeared in as a child, no joke!



If you watched the last one you should certainly see the second edition...




WOW!

Finally, while we're on the subject of recent art based on spooky comic book ads, I'd like to point out that Devil's Workshop has made a mask based on the Monster Ghost mail-away product! The head for the real thing was actually a balloon that looked nothing like the illustration so this is the realization of countless childhood fantasies.

As you may recall they also produced a masked based on the Gayle House Ghoul ad.

People, this is truly the golden age of videos and masks that are based on semi-obscure comic book advertisements! 

BROGUN WARRIORS MAN-ZINGA

I interrupt this Halloween Countdown to tell you about the Man-Zinga Brogun Warrior that my friend Scott helped design. It gives you a glimpse into an alternate universe that is mastered by Shogun Warriors. It's debuting at Comic Con right now, and there's a super limited edition glow-in-the-dark exclusive. Have a look!...

Normal version...

Glow exclusive...

  
Here are the details:

New York Comic Con, October 9-12 Javits Center 

"Man-Zinga" glow in the dark variant 6" action figure. 

A limited edition of only 15 pieces produced. 

Retail: $64.99 produced by ToyBots 

(Design: Scott Kinney, Sculpt: Scott Sills).

 Sold Exclusively in the ToyWorth.com booth (#2164)

Link (click on Exhibitor Exclusive for more info): http://nycc14.mapyourshow.com/6_0/exhibitor/exhibitor-details.cfm?ExhID=416185

HALLOWEEN ENJOYABLES: REACTION FIGURES FROM FUNKO

Dates enjoyed: Sept. 18 (received) Enjoyment continues when I look at them.

These things have been crawling all over the internet for the past year, so I doubt they're anything new to most of you. But just in case, I offer this two sentence briefing: Super7 made it a mission to finally produce an unproduced line of Kenner Alien action figures from 1979 using the original molds. FunKo stepped in to help distribute them and went on to help produce a massive series of 3 3/4-inch "ReAction" figures that emulate the classic Kenner Star Wars format featuring a wide variety of characters from TV and film.

There are plenty of '80s horror toys out there, but this format still seems delightfully surreal to me. My picture (up above) looks like it belongs in a parody commercial. This feeling is reinforced by Pinhead's baby-like features. Yeah, I know: Where's Jason? Let's just pretend he's still part of a mail-away offer for three proofs of purchase, or something.

Just as FunKo had banked on, the low-detail, stiff posture, and minimal articulation struck a chord deep within me. This stands to reason because other than my Star Wars guys, the only thing I held for more cumulative childhood hours was my Atari joystick. From the moment I read the list of ReAction characters I wanted to see my Star Wars figures standing next to these other mythic beings.

I got my wish...

 Little known fact: Vader had two groups of bounty hunters.

This concept isn't new to me. As a kid I had a number of other Star Wars-sized non-Lucasfilm figures like Buck Rogers, Battlestar Galactica and Tron. I was always hesitant to mix worlds willy-nilly so I'd concoct a storyline that explained the crossover, and the new figures would "guest star" in that day's play. Then, just like a TV show, all would be resolved, and normal Star Wars life would return by the end of the "episode." The Cylons would have to reside on a far away shelf until their next appearance.

Lastly, a parting shot that's destined to show up on countless 'Halloween decorating idea' Pinterest boards...

 

 

HALLOWEEN ENJOYABLES: URBAN LEGEND ENTERTAINMENT

Date enjoyed: October 5th and various dates thereafter.

Few things can prickle my spook bone like a good ol' urban legend. Sometimes I crave that sensation you get on a long, dark car ride home after a slew of ghastly tales have been shared, and suddenly the world you're driving though seems sinister, and out to devour you. The surrounding trees seem to grow darker, and the car becomes a protective cocoon that you don't want to leave.

As a kid I was fed countless urban myths, all presented as truth. My friends were major culprits, like their annual tales of the five-storey spook house a few towns over that was so scary you paid fifty bucks to get through, but received a ten dollar refund for every floor you successfully completed. (Yet nobody could make it to the end.)

But my mom was the Queen. She taught me all about the gang initiations, from the headlight flashers, to the kidnappers, to the ankle cutters hiding under cars. She informed me of spiders hatching in the girl's unwashed hair, spiders hatching in the boy's coat at the store, and spiders hatching in the cactus. (I am still afraid of spiders.)

Years later, the information age came along and Snopes.com was one of the first web sites I ever visited. I was soon shocked and appalled to discover how much of my world view was shaped by fiction. However, the real world presentation of these tales gave them a punch that no horror flick could ever duplicate, so on occasion I try to revisit that state of mind.

Last week I noticed that Urban Legends: Final Cut was on Netflix and made the mistake of tuning in. I watched thirty minutes before going into what I call "fast-forward bursts to the end" mode.

With my urban legend itch left wholly unscratched (not unlike the itching that accompanied the spider stories), I remembered a recent urban legend-esque VHS purchase, a horror anthology called The Willies (1990).

I just learned of the film a couple months ago, not because of its merit as a movie, but because it happens to briefly show a pack of Hi-C Ecto Cooler. As my life would have it, a few weeks later I found this copy in a waning home video store.

I watched it. Sure enough it starts with very short dramatizations of three popular ones: the Kentucky Fried rat, the poodle in the microwave, and the Disney Haunted Mansion heart attack. Then it goes into its original stories. I'm sticking to my "no formal reviews" policy during this Halloween countdown, but there's still quite a bit to say about this. First off, the cover on my tape does not come close to this superior, yet equally official version...

Cover via VHS Wasteland

The image on mine is most likely stock photography, and the fact that there are two designs, seemingly produced the same year, is a glimpse into the film's fractured nature. As the cover above suggests, there is a strong Creepshow element thematically, visually, and of course, structurally. However, they were clearly shooting for a younger audience. There are clues like some green blood that make me think the PG-13 rating was planned from the start, and yet I'd say it's a "hard" PG-13 at times. I'd bet it was pitched as Creepshow meets The Goonies. It even stars Sean Astin and makes a jokey reference to the movie.

The production quality teeters between higher budget '80s horror and something you'd see on the syndicated Monsters TV series from the same era. There are better than decent monster effects (I really like his design too), and there are recognizable character actors. Plus, Kirk Cameron and Tracey Gould make a bizarre cameo appearance as their Growing Pains characters! Yet all of this is mixed with some truly painful performances. 

After a while I started noticing something that rarely gets my attention— the editing. Almost every scene seems to be somewhat prolonged, and many are unnecessary. There are extra seconds tacked to the beginnings and ends of shots, like characters meandering all the way across the set, or the camera lingering after the real action is over. Then I realized that the movie only has two full length stories. All of this spawned my unverified theory that it was envisioned as a three story show, but something happened with the funding either before or during production.

Aw, man, I didn't just review it, did I?

Anyway, if you want to see what I mean, the whole thing is on youtube.

While The Willies was an interesting diversion, I still craved an urban legendary fix so I turned to an old standby, The Big Book of Urban Legends (published in 1995) from Factoid Books.

 

It's not an encyclopedia or a social analysis, much to the chagrin of those who gave it a one star rating. Those types of books are enjoyable too, but within these pages is the work of over two hundred different comic artists interpreting over two hundred different urban legends; one legend per page in most cases. It's really good. If you don't believe me maybe you will believe its 1995 Eisner Award for Best Anthology.

The art styles are as varied as the stories, which emphasizes the different 'voices' of the storytellers. In any given group of campfire narrators, there are the guys who seem to mess up even the best source material, and others that know how to elevate just about anything to levels of greatness.

Though the book is divided into thematic chapters like "Moving Violations" and "Occupational Hazards," there are two themes that permeate the collection: humor and horror. Most legends have one or the other, and some have both.

Once I've read story after story about people whom I would not want to be, that dark-drive-home feeling usually comes creeping over me. I feel like a kid again, sitting in the back seat, shellshocked by my mother's horrific lies.

You can get the book used on Amazon for next to nothing. Be warned that there's some pretty grisly stuff that's covered, but it's probably nothing that you didn't already hear at summer camp.

HIDDEN MOSTERS POSTER FROM A 1980 'HOT DOG!' MAGAZINE

Hidden Creatures Poster by Tim Raglin, 1980

When I think of brand rivalry I think Coke versus Pepsi, Apple versus Microsoft, and Dynamite versus Hot Dog! magazine. I was a Dynamite reader myself, but that was a matter of availability rather than preference. So I was totally caught off guard the day I saw this masterwork of poster art floating around class, and even more so when it was offered to me as a gift! Now, thirty-some years later, I am gifting the image to the internet. If my Google image searching is true, then this is the poster's online debut.

The piece is the doing of Tim Raglin who has illustrated loads of children's books, and specializes in all things spooky, including The 13 Days Of Halloween.

The poster stayed on my wall for many years, and periodically I felt the compulsion to find all the creepy creatures, yet again. (Note the list held by the green hand at the bottom right, if you haven't already.) It can be tricky, especially since some of the definitions are rather loose, like the pineapple leaf cluster with teeth is considered a snake. But the hunt is a great excuse to get lost in the magnificent scene again and again.

When you're done there's the whole monster party to study! The mad scientist poured an eyeball into the punch. There are twin mummy children. The chandelier's "nose" is radiating. There's a miniature skeleton running on the table. Who invited the robot?

Can you find all the creepy creatures? You'll want to see it big, so you may want to right click and 'save as' or 'open in new tab' HERE.

If all else fails, here's the secret answer key...

HALLOWEEN ENJOYABLES: MY FIRST HALLOWEEN MOOD TABLE

Date(s) Enjoyed: October 1st and beyond

There was a time when I took a Clark Griswold-style approach to Halloween decorating. I made certain it wasn't possible to stand anywhere in the house facing any direction without seeing something orange or dead. Eventually, things like parenthood and an unpredictable freelance life changed all of that, and truth be told, I didn't really miss it at the time.

Through the years I reintroduced some seasonal spooky touches to the household, and only a few caused my son to run from the room in horrified tears. A handful of decorating traditions have fallen into place now, including an October first decking of the halls. So on Wednesday I replaced the lunchboxes on my kitchen shelves with plastic Jack-O-lanterns, and set up the haunted house centerpiece on the table. Wait a minute, photos would make this so much better. So here you go, I put the ghost and his sister in the front porch window...

And re-hung the first Halloween decorations that I ever owned...

And found a place for the classic jointed skeleton...
 

 

On any other year I would be about done by that point. But this year I tried something else for the first time— a Halloween mood table. The concept started on a web site called X-Entertainment (Now it's DinosaurDracula.com). The first HMT (as I call them) was conceived in 2007 when Matt, who runs the site, haphazardly threw some scary stuff together in a desperate attempt to reclaim the Halloween spirit during a year when life "threw [him] a few curve balls." It became an annual practice, (this year's can be seen here.) and in the process the concept caught on, inspiring dozens, if not hundreds of others to create their own. Now you can count me among those inspired, behold my 2014 Halloween Mood Table!...

 

Included in Matt's tips is the admonishment not to over think things. I found this incredibly freeing, especially in contrast to a Christmas tree where I struggle to achieve equal ornament distribution, or I have to pull the whole thing apart because I've clustered too many lights in one spot. I did spend quite a while digging up the elements for the table, but when it came to assembly it went together pretty quickly. 

The excavation process was actually a lot of fun, again in contrast to facing the sea of Christmas boxes and the broken, lost, and burnt-out disappointments within. My goal was to use stuff from storage, and objects that have been been banished to the back of my toy shelves so that my structure would seem almost new.

Here are some close-up shots. In keeping with the casual, carefree nature of the Mood Table, I'm going to resist the urge to caption them.

 And here's what it looks like IN THE DARK!...

You say you want to see it once again from a slight diagonal angle? But that's hardly different from the photos I've already shown you! Oh, well, you're the boss...

Now that it's in place, it really has given the season a jolt. It felt great to get excessive once again. It's the embodiment of Halloween taking up physical space in my house, and it can't be ignored. Best of all, it absolutely does alter the mood. Like most any time, these weeks are not free of troubles, far from it. But I found value in making the time to do something celebratory. The act of putting it up was an unexpectedly festive event. It was an evening of spooky records, digging through boxes, and trips to the garage. As my son looked on he said more than once, "It's just so beautiful." 

HALLOWEEN ENJOYABLES: MY HAUNTED HOUSE BOARD ON PINTEREST

 

Date(s) Enjoyed: I've enjoyed compiling it little by little this year.

Classic styled haunted houses have always seemed tremendously inviting to me despite their intentions to terrify. If you share my affinity for looking at fictional haunted buildings from various decades you might want to check out my carefully curated Pinterest board. There's only about fifty images thus far, but they are all hand-picked haunts that strongly appeal to me, and serve as good visual resources for any and all haunted house related efforts. Or you could practice your pattern recognition by noting how many have crooked shutters, full moons, or dead trees in common.

I don't throw just anything on there. I make sure they're a decent size when you click 'em, and I often touch-up or enhance the images after I steal them. Some are fairly common, but a few are hard to find images like this amazing greeting card from the 1960s, that actually sold on ebay for close to a hundred bucks...

 

Go on and have a look. Here's that link again. No need to scroll all the way back up, above that last picture. I've got you covered. 

Note that if you don't have an account I don't think you can see them all without signing up, which is the worst of all things, and probably not worth it unless you happen to be enticed by the concept.

If you spend one second looking at each haunted house, then by the time you're done you'll be almost one minute closer to Halloween! ...and your own death! 

HALLOWEEN ENJOYABLES: BRACH'S CANDY CORN

Date(s) Enjoyed: September 2nd - September 28th

I was hesitant to write this because it's just so blasé, but Candy Corn is usually my very first 'act of Halloween' and there have been non-spirited, or work-heavy years when Candy Corn was my only form of celebration. It's the one true constant of the season, going all the way back to my first outing as a trick 'r treater.

Not unlike the Mogwai, there are rules which I must obey. 

1. It must be Brach's brand.
I'm sure I developed this bias because Brach's was the first brand I ever tried, but other brands don't even taste like Candy Corn to me. Their flavor is too flat, and the texture is too pasty. I can spot the imposters by their coloring alone, the hues are too pigmented, and the tips are always too white. Brach's tips have a more subtle, somewhat transparent appearance. It's like Crayons versus oil painting. You get a sense of refinement and mastery in Brach's, as opposed to the two-for-a-buck gas station brands that are seemingly produced by hyperactive chimps with no discernment or moral compass.

Crimes against Candy Corn

While Brach's has tampered with their Jelly Bean recipe beyond forgiveness (White should never have become 'Pineapple'), their Candy Corn has remained the same throughout my life. 

This year they've made things even more appealing with a wonderful package design that embraces both class, and the Halloween color pallet. Just take a look at their recent history. They went from whimsical, to cutesy, to pure elegance...

2. It must be consumed as early in the season as possible.
Candy Corn is polarizing. It's even the butt of candy-related jokes, second only to Circus Peanuts. But I believe that more people would embrace it if only they would experience Brach's product in early September. By the time most kids have fished it out of their plastic pumpkins the candy is months old, making it hard, brittle, and waxy. This is how most haters remember it. Brach's Candy Corn fresh from the harvest is soft and flavorful. It's rich with a vanilla-ish taste that will send you rushing to the fridge for a glass of milk.

Over the past decade I've kept track of the first available Candy Corn, and in my area it surfaces anywhere between September 2nd through the 6th. (One year it didn't show up until the 12th!) Then we got a Walgreen's. They get their seasonal stuff out there before everyone else, making it possible to eat August Candy Corn straight from the Mexican factories. It does cost top dollar (though a bit less if you have one of their highly prestigious store cards, which I will never live up to.) but it's worth it. (if you believe petty pleasures are worth real American dollars.)

I know that you're thinking that you can get it year-round at most grocery stores. No, that stuff hangs on the peg for ages. I hate to say it, but if you haven't already had Candy Corn this year then you'd better just wait for 2015. And be sure to eat your Brach's Classic Jelly Beans the day that the Easter candy replaces Valentines.


3. Know your limit.
The bag pictured was my first of the 2014 season, September 2nd to be exact. Counting that one, I've eaten through three bags, plus one pack of Autumn Mix. This is the standard pattern for me. By the third bag of the year I've nearly had my fill, so I up the stakes with the addition of mellowcreme pumpkins and "Indian candy corn." Soon thereafter the self loathing sets in, and by then the corn is too old anyway.

I must admit that occasionally I succumb to Halloween Blindness and buy one more bag near the 31st, only to receive a waxy reminder of why I should never do such a thing. The other pitfall is the November 1st 50% off sale. Thankfully all the Candy Corn has usually sold out by then.

PLEASE CANDY CORN RESPONSIBLY

2014 HALLOWEEN COUNTDOWN OF ENJOYABLES

It's been seven years since my last Halloween countdown. But in this, the fourteenth year of the two thousandth millennium (right?), I shall make my return to this most honorable ritual!

Why now?

For one, we're still amid the Secret Fun Blog mini-renaissance.

Also, because spookiness has been percolating in my mind all year. It started late winter when a friend and I reminisced about our youthful reading habits during a long drive home. This prompted me to re-buy Stephen King's Night Shift, which lead to Skeleton Crew, then Nightmares and Dreamscapes and so on.

Then, during the summer a local thrift store stocked someone's old collection of horror on VHS, which is a rare genre in my neck of the woods. Having already been primed by the web, the documentaries, the books, the collectors that populate my Twitter feed, and a teen age jammed with video store memories, I started making these movies a part of my summer nights.

On top of that we've had one of the most autumnal summers that I can remember. It was like being teased by October every few weeks, and now that it's here I am more than ready to revel in it.

Most importantly, I've got a kid who is eight years old, squarely positioned in the "Zone of Childhood Halloween Magic™."

Back in the Bush-era I counted down with a random assortment of retro-spooky stuff. The year before that I conducted a more focused "Skeleton Countdown" in which each synthetic human structure was more glorious than the last.

This time the theme is "Halloween Enjoyables 2014" meaning every entry will relate to a Halloween activity that I experience this year, covering traditions, purchases, entertainment, outings and anything done to enhance the season. Some will be mundane, while others will be even more mundane. The point is to document and share my month in a way that's relate-able and imitate-able, for the most part.

One self-imposed rule is: no reviews. There will be a good bit of media on the list: movies, records, video games and such, but I want to resist the temptation to make any sort of formal, balanced, or even thoughtful recommendations. Instead I plan to just show photos and write about stuff. Maybe it'll be a highlight, or a memory, or an experience. I want to have fun and I don't want the countdown to detract from real life. With that in mind, I may not even post every day, or spell check for tht mattter!

I'm also joining the ranks of the official CountdownToHalloween.com to make things even more synergistic. So be sure to tap into that network for maximum time-killing pleasure.

So please join me in a month of low-key, true-to-life entries that will spook your brain out the back of your skull!

A TALE OF TWO ROAD TRIPS PART II- NIAGARA FALLS

...CONTINUED FROM PART I

In case you missed the first part and belligerently refuse to click that link, I've been outlining two western Pennsylvania road trips taken one year apart and comparing both experiences. Next stop...

 TITUSVILLE, PA

 

I stopped at the world's first oil well, Drake Well, on both of my trips. The well was unchanged, but this year's visit was inferior because after decades of free access they've suddenly started charging ten bucks. (Prior to this, only the museum had a fee.) A family of ten would be better off just buying a barrel of crude oil.

I saw some Shriners in miniature vehicles, just as they should be.

The Titusville McDonald's still has a couple members of the old McDonaldland gang including this Apple Pie Tree.

Heading northeast out of town in a secluded creek there is a massive rock that's painted like a frog. A self-appointed mystery rock painter has maintained it for decades.

But in just a few seconds you are going to be kicking yourself for having spent your time reading about a fiberglass tree and a painted stone because we are about to arrive at the destination of both trips—Niagara Falls, Ontario!!!

Before last year I had visited the Falls just once, on my honeymoon, because I wanted a mid-century cliche at the foundation of my marriage. At that time you didn't need a passport to get over to the superior Canadian view. I waltzed into that foreign land with a tip of my hat as Semisonic played on the car stereo. But these days access to the fairer side is a privilege that must be hard earned, first by going through the rigmarole of obtaining an up-to-date passport, and then by enduring the unruly lines and a way-more-intense-than-it-should-be interrogation at the border.

On my honeymoon visit all of my preconceptions were built on the movie Superman II. So I didn't expect much more than the Falls, some unsupervised children plummeting into the falls, and a bunch of hotels with heart-shaped Jacuzzis. I could not have been less prepared for this...

A street of fun indeed...

Yes, I had stumbled into a true tourist mecca, like a wedding gift from above. A decade and a half later the Clifton Hill funland is thriving with more attractions than ever before. (In order to achieve maximum impact I am mixing photos from both 2013 and '14)

You know you're in an amazing place when the giant King Kong is not even the biggest monster on the street.

The real estate closest to the falls is dominated by the bigger, slicker entities like some MGM complex, a Rainforest Cafe, the massive Canadian Midway arcade, and major fast food chains.

Blacklight mini-golf (as seen in above in Wizard's Golf) seems to have gained some traction about a decade ago across the US. I wish this trend a long and prosperous lifespan.

There are a few leftovers from back in the day, but they've been given facelifts and other businesses have engulfed them. Case in point, the Guinness World Records museum...

Once you venture off the main strip, the second tier attractions are less flashy, but more flavorful...

The exterior of the Rock Legends Wax Museum got me wondering, was their choice of celebrity heads determined by the shapes of scrap wood they had laying around?

This place has become an object of regret for me because I didn't have a chance to go inside. I had my son with me and frankly, I'm just not ready to give him the "Marilyn Manson talk." So I have to hope the place sticks around until my next visit. But I don't think I have much to worry about, check out the uncanny likeness!...

This stretch might be called Motel Row. If not, it should be.

Heart-shaped Jacuzzis! Expectations met.

Let's tour one of the many souvenir pushers, shall we?

These shops are at their best when the inventory is literally spilling out into the sidewalk. I suspect the owners are actually hoping that some of this stuff gets stolen.

Everything is just right.

There's such an abundance of things that I've never seen in anyone's home. I do not spend time with the right people.

Should you find yourself in a souvenir shop with a basement level, ALWAYS get yourself down there. It's often the greatest hodgepodge of older stock. In this case they were remodeling, but even then the two-toned pegboard and colorful cabinets were well worth a trip downstairs and a photo...

 

A Zoltar machine right on the street! Just like in that Tom Hanks film, Turner & Hooch.

Now look at it real close-like...

Is your vacation making you feel too good about life? How about paying to walk among interactive monuments to some of the worst atrocities mankind has wrought upon itself?

Just a few years ago the front of the building actually had a keystone cops style. Apparently market research suggests that today's audience demands more serial homicide.

My hats off to the Mystery Maze for keeping the age-old spirit of tourist deception alive. The photos don't show it well, but the maze is about one sixth the size of its facade, much of which is actually an adjacent motel painted up to look like it's part of the maze building.

This has everything I like to shoot at: cobras, skulls, and vampire torsos wearing pastel, knitted ponchos. 

Tussaud's was once in the heart of the strip, but has since become an "Off-Broadway" attraction, so to speak. They retained their nice assortment of attention-getters including a rotating sign and a tightrope walker that moves when he is not broken.

This day to night transition is the perfect segue into this next series that I like to call "Clifton Hill by moonlight."

The world's greatest cross-promotion looks even better at night.

You must be wondering about the Dracula sign. Don't worry, we're getting to that.

And now let us turn the spotlight on TripAdvisor's lowest-rated attraction in the entire area, The Guinness World Records Museum. After reading reviews saying it had scarcely been updated since the 1970s I knew who was getting my Canadian currency.

 
The world's tallest man seems to be Guiness's unofficial mascot. I like that Ripley's also features a statue of him. I like to think of this as an act of defiance. Tourist trap rivalry is an exciting topic for me.

This is their idea of keeping things fresh, using empty PEZ dispensers to illustrate a newish world record. To the left there was a knock-off LEGO set for a Pirates of the Caribbean record, I joke you not.

I knew you wouldn't believe me. Here's a photo...

This is what I came for, hallways adorned with Carter era whimsy. Whoa, you walk under a giant pencil?!

Say, while you're in the mood for entertainment, wouldn't it be fun to see a simulated execution? Actually it costs extra, unless you do as I did and wait around for someone to come along with Canadian coins and a blood lust.

This is pretty great. It's what science fair projects looked like in the Iococca family.

For me the jewel in the Guiness crown was the 1979 Hercules pinball machine from Atari. My photo fails to communicate the scale, but it's quite enormous.

Oh, and this area is home to one of the seven natural wonders of the world. Anyway...

Attraction-wise the spooky to non-spooky ratio is higher than any tourist mecca I know of. Why is this? It may have something to do with the low cost of renting a building, turning off the lights and charging admission. But still, they seem to draw enough customers to stay afloat, and I wouldn't have thought the demand would be so high. Do the Falls remind us of our mortality or something? I guess I shouldn't question it, and just enjoy it. So enjoy this look at the many haunted attractions of Niagara Falls...

Let's begin with the lower budget, yet higher admission Screaming Tunnels. It used to be called Screamers, but the new name capitalizes on a local legend. I didn't partake of this one, and truth be told, I've only been through half of these because as much as I love haunted stuff, for one, these are relatively expensive and second, some are 90% darkness and loud noises.


While the name seems like a shameless rip-off I must give props 'n kudos to Ghost Blasters. It's the most populated of them all, since it's a ride-n-shoot type of thing. Also, for making the letter "O" into the ghost's mouth. Most importantly, I salute them for maintaining traditional spook house imagery with a blacklight presentation. When you count your blessings, make sure one of them is the fact that sheet-ghosts and skeletons are part of the public domain.

Nightmares gets high marks online, but aside from a standard "car headlights scare" it is essentially a pitch-dark maze with one guy following you around. I can recreate this experience at my home any night of the week and I charge half of what they do.


The Haunted House is an unmanned walk-through with classic funhouse scares, limited scenery, and a nice facade.

For me, the best of the haunted Niagara assortment are the Castle Dracula (or, if you're looking at the other sign it's called Dracula's Haunted Castle) and its competition, the House of Frankenstein. They've both been there at least thirty years and they both feature classic twentieth century movie monsters in animatronic form (plus loads of dark nothingness.)

I guarantee they put that "Thriller" part on the building for the 1984 season.

I couldn't resist taking a photo from practically the same angle one year later. Good thing I did because I've documented the building both pre and post Grin's N Giggles novelty shop (seen on the left).

 

Note the "3 levels of fear:" Medium, Hot, and Hardcore. Someone please invest the thirty bucks and tell me if there's really a difference.

Needs more gargoyle.

Soon after crossing back into the United States this paltry operation dealt a crushing blow to my sense of patriotism...

I've since read that it's more museum than spookhouse. Plus they do have a crow's nest and skeleton on the building, so I may have been too hasty in my judgement.

All too soon it was time to head homeward. I took the same way back on both of my trips, but I made a point to stop at different places. First let's look at 2013...

World's largest wind chime, Casey, Illinois...

 

You can actually ring it by pulling back on a big thing, which was a nice surprise.

The "world's largest golf tee" is in the same town...

And lastly, the St. Louis Arch...

This year there was less time for lengthy stops, but thankfully I was running low on gas when I happened upon "truck world 'World's Finest'" in Hubbard, Ohio.

The light fixtures and wallpaper in the breezeway were reassuring, and I appreciated the photographic evidence that an official Truck World hot air balloon had both existed and been on the premises at one time. Probably a time when Happy Days was still airing new episodes.

The article "The Worst Game Room Ever" on X-Entertainment has stuck with me for years, and never fails to surface in my mind when I'm on road trips. It perfectly captures that familiar confusion that comes when neglect meets an environment that was intended for fun. It's such a harsh contrast, and yet I find myself halfway attracted to these scenes where I like to soak in the bittersweetness.

Truck World has nothing that qualifies as the "worst ever," but the vacant halls and empty fun zones gave me tinges of this feeling. For example, the name of this little alcove sets up impossible expectations from the get-go...

 

The presentation is in stark contrast to these four needy, ill-spaced machines and a corner full of disheveled chairs.

 

In the game room the still, glowing giants wait days on end for a single play. Together they emit a low electric hum, interrupted only by the occasional outburst of demo music from the one working pinball machine; a feeble effort to gain the attention of nobody.

 

But there were signs of life. Someone had decided to get a haircut that afternoon. And there was a man at a kiosk who made a sale to the only other human in the hall. The transaction involved a remote control helicopter, and the buyer seemed genuinely thrilled.

The  restaurant was a peaceful refuge for a handful of travelers, and Erin's Pub, with an entrance that resembles a funhouse barrel, provided a cool, dark place for afternoon drinkers.

I didn't want to leave.

But I did, and soon my weary eyes beheld this beacon of the road...

A Suckey's WITH a Godfather's Pizza!

The Stuckey's-ness was weak at this location, but they did have the one thing that ensures that it's the real deal...

In Rolla, Missourri the clouds rolled in just in time for our stop at the half scale partial reconstruction of Stonehenge. It was built in 1984 and "is reportedly accurate to within 15 seconds, when used as a clock."

Rolla is also good for places like this...

 

Lastly, we decided to explore a relatively new addition to this stretch of former Route 66, Redmon's candy factory, gas station, Branson ticket outlet, and world's largest gift store. 

For me, the boy mascot with the mannish nose was already a strike against it, but I must admit that I was quickly won over. Not because of the services, or product selection, or aesthetics, but because of the overall atmosphere. On a scorcher of a day, the place was cool and bustling with people, and they somehow seemed pleased, and excited.

Crowds were gleefully grabbing candy by the handful. I had to wait awhile for folks to momentarily clear so I could snap this photo...

I think they oversell the whole "Candy Factory" thing, as it's more like a glassed-off room where some candy is made, but nobody was complaining.

I don't know why I got such a surprisingly good vibe that afternoon, maybe it was just me, but it reminded me of what a roadside oasis on a family vacation can be.

The thing that impressed me about the Gift Store was how far back I had to walk to fit the whole thing in my camera's viewfinder.

It's one of those places where I'm amazed that there can be so much, and yet nothing that I want.

Well, of course I wouldn't turn down an over-sized sock monkey if someone were giving it away.

 

And while I've never worn one, I do admire these shirts. Why has it taken this long for this to happen? Domestic pets and printed textiles have been with us for centuries, and only now have these ingredients formed this recipe?

That's the thing about places like this, they don't even tell you there's an "I Love Lucy" car in the back, but there is one. The phrase "embarrassment of riches" seems appropriate. As it turned out Lucy's Cadillac was the last photo-worthy diversion on the journey home.

SOUVENIRS 2013 VS. SOUVENIRS 2014

EXHIBIT A: 2013

EXHIBIT B: 2014

THE VERDICT: It's so obvious that I yielded a better crop of mementos last year. It had more diversity (this year was rife with magnets and trading cards from the Steel City convention), plus it covered so many of the classic souvenir categories: Pennant, Shot Glass, Ceramic, Fool's Gold, and Squished Penny.

THE END