DOLLAR SPOOKS

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As of yesterday I had yet to see what the local Dollar Tree store was offering in the way of Halloween merchandise so I stopped in and had a look. My jaunt through the Halloween aisle with its tired old pumpkin and black cat knick knacks was swift and dissatisfying. It wasn't until I'd found my way to the general Toy aisles that I saw the little guys pictured above.

As you can see, some outfit called Creepy Classics has put out a fun assortment of small, plastic movie monsters. The figures have an elementary charm to them.. Dracula seems to be a five-year-old, Mummy looks like he's having a good dream, and Frankenstein's monster has a look of both concern and bewilderment. In addition to these they had what appeared to be "thumb wrestling" versions of the same characters. (Each monster held a different blunt item the way you'd hold a baseball bat.) I also saw some pretty nifty decks of playing cards that were cut into odd shapes with monster movie poster art on the backs.

Using the actual movie posters in the package design was a great decision. (The posters are even reprinted on the back of the blister cards so that you can cut them out.) However, I can only guess at why they used these particular movies. For example, why The Curse of the Werewolf and not plain old Wolfman. My first assumption was that the Wolfman license is more expensive or something, but that theory seems blown by the fact that they used straight-up Mummy and Dracula. And then there's Universal's King Kong, with a figure modeled straight off the poster, but at the same time they used King of the Lizards instead of Godzilla and there was little to no physical resemblance to either (which is why I didn't buy him). Dollar Tree is big enough that I doubt Creepy Classics disregarded all copyright laws. I think the big clue is the copyright notice on back.. "Property of X one X Archives Inc." perhaps they have rights to these posters and can somehow produce products derived from them or something. Well, that's enough speculation on a matter that's even more meaningless than usual. I really just wanted to alert you of their existence.

Oh, but I must also say that there are some really decent one dollar masks on the shelves this year.. "Classic" non-descript vamp-ish ghoul-ish characters that could have been sculpted three decades ago. And we're talking over the head latex.. with hair (!), and oh, so beautifully primitive. You know the kind where the "paint job" is a couple of scattershot blasts.. green for eyes, red for mouth. The place was like a walk-in Johnson Smith ad. OK it wasn't that cool, but I was pleasantly surprised nonetheless.

UPDATE: I went back to Dollar Tree to discover that they also have movie posters of each monster! They are about 2.5 feet high, shrink-wrapped on cardboard. The quality isn't top notch, but I've never seen anything like them for a buck apiece.

WOULD-BE WEEBLE #3

I present my latest Would-Be Weeble...Steve Martin as seen in The Jerk (complete with the necessities: chair, paddleball, ashtray, and desk lamp). It seems like an unlikely toy and yet when I was a boy I appreciated Steve Martin easily as much as Luke Skywalker or Bugs Bunny. King Tut, Balloon Animals, Groucho Glasses, Arrows through the head.. only a kid can properly relish that stuff.

For me there was usually a challenge involved in seeing Steve's work. Saturday Night Live was naturally off limits, I had to wait for the R-rated Jerk to air on network TV before I ever had the pleasure, and I can't forget how it pained me when the Steve Martin TV special "Comedy Is Not Pretty" aired after my bedtime. (I remember making an out-of-bed request for a glass of water just in time to watch a kid get run over by a drunk (played by Steve) driving a steamroller.) The fact that he was forbidden certainly added to his appeal, but all these years later I'm still a big fan.

Ok, I promise I've got some non-Weeble related posts in the hopper, but one must act when the inspiration hits.

UPDATE: Watch the "That's all I need" scene from The Jerk HERE.
See Steve Martin's brilliant Flydini routine HERE.

WOULD-BE WEEBLE #2

I chose to base my second Would-Be Weeble, on another wonderful toy from the 1970s, Mazinga of the Shogun Warriors series. The 24-inch plastic robot eluded me as a child due to it's "dangerous" spring-loaded missiles and I've remained Mazinga-less thanks to the hefty price tag it now carries. I've always admired his design and I think it makes for a decent Weeble, relatively speaking. At least a Weeble version would have been safe enough to meet my parents standards.

CREATURE ON MARY TYLER MOORE

Hats off to my wife for spotting the now rare Penn Plax Creature from the Black Lagoon aquarium ornament (that I blogged about here.) in an episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show called 'The Care and Feeding of Parents.' He gets about 30 seconds of screen time which gives the viewer a good chance to watch him do his thing with the swaying and the bubble-making. So now the true test that determines the hardcore monster collector is whether or not they own the Mary Tyler Moore Season 2 DVD set!

"Don't mind the tube.. doctor's orders."

Here's a double shot!

WOULD-BE WEEBLE #1

Ubergeeks like myself understand that sometimes it's not enough to merely collect stuff. Sometimes you must spend otherwise-useful time wishing that "they" would have made different, better stuff for you to collect. Because the "they" who are behind all existing toys somehow neglected to make the best possible ones. Therefore creative collectors are forced to usher these untapped ideas into reality. Now then, there are already fantasy PEZ dispensers, custom Mego Action Figures and "What if" Aurora models to name a few, but I would like to hatch an all new sub-genre of imaginary playthings.. Would-be Weebles.

Why Weebles? Well, for reasons unknown my parents seemed to prefer them over the Fischer-Price little people, therefore playtime for me usually meant Weeble-time. But my fondness for the egg-shaped beings goes far deeper than that. I'm only slightly ashamed to reveal that the Weeble's Treasure Island set was my final reward for successful completion of toilet training. ahem. So yeah.. when your brain associates a particular toy with the sense of victory that can only come with the achievement of personal continence, well.. you can understand why I dig Weebles.

As much as I loved the ones I had, I've never been satisfied with the existing selection of Weebles. Throughout childhood I dictated a number of letters to Romper Room regarding my thoughts on new and better Weeble products. My mom recorded these ideas and actually mailed them in. My list included: the cast of Peter Pan, Casper, Sesame Street (which were eventually made), Popeye, Mickey Mouse (which were also produced later on) Scooby-Doo, Land of the Lost, Mighty Mouse, Groovie Goolies, and Star Wars.

Anyway, it recently dawned on me that with the magik of PhotoShop at my disposal, I can finally see what some of my dream Weebles might look like. Only now my wish list has changed dramatically. So I present you with the first in an ongoing series of Would-be Weebles.. Hugo, the Man of a Thousand Faces...

It's Hugo with his familiar blue lace up shirt, trademark bald head, pronounced cheek bones and icy stare.

Turn him around to reveal Hugo incognito- bearing a tourniquet, scary eye, scar and goatee.

For those unfamiliar, Hugo is a disguisable puppet that was produced by Kenner in 1975. He came with an assortment of hair, scars, glasses and facial prosthetics that you could apply with a glue stick. You may have seen my somewhat primitive "Virtual Hugo" on the Secret Fun Spot...


Hugo is just about my favorite piece of plastic ever, and a natural choice as my first fictitious Weeble rendering.
So now you've had your first look into the way things could have been.. and nothing will ever be the same. Only time will reveal additional members of this fantastic new army of imaginary Weebles.

PAINTINGS BY THE OTHER PABLO

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This ad is from the 1963 Sunset House gift catalog and it's for real. This is possibly the greatest product and/or service ever offered in the history of mail order.

SATURDAY MORNING CARTOON INTROS 1983-84

In 1983 I was in fifth grade, and recess discussions surrounding Saturday morning cartoons were an enjoyable and common pastime. In the Fall of '84 I discovered that the subject had abruptly become taboo among my classmates. Mention of one's interest in say, The Mighty Orbots was grounds for public mockery. Everyone else just seemed to "grow up" that summer. I adapted to the new rules by keeping my passion for weekend animation to myself and a few other low-profile devotees. I hung on to my morning tooning rituals until my late teens when it was my craving for additional sleep, not peer pressure, that put an end to my habit.

83-84 was a highlight in my cartoon watching career, most likely due to the combination of video game inspired programming (which somehow made almost any show tolerable for me) and a handful of well written shows like Dungeons & Dragons and Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends. With YouTube growing more and more populated, I recently set out to see what sort of Saturday cartoon introductions I could find from this and other eras. Referencing this site, I located quite a few, including most of my favorites. (Although Rubik the Amazing Cube and Dragon's Lair are sadly absent.) Without further ado, here are my findings (Click on the text links to view the intos in a new window. In standard YouTube fashion, image quality varies)...

__________________1983_________________

Saturday Supercade

Pac-Man

Smurfs

Spider-man and His Amazing Friends

Scooby and Scrappy-Doo

The Littles

Dungeons & Dragons (snippet with commercials)

Charlie Brown and Snoopy

Alvin and the Chipmunks


Shirt Tales

Dukes of Hazzard

Mr. T

__________________1984__________________

Kidd Video

Mighty Orbots

Turbo Teen

Snorks


Muppet Babies


Pole Position

Pryor's Place

IT'S TOXIE (SAFE AND NON-TOXIC)

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A while back, I unexpectedly found this Toxic Avenger figure inside a bag of Halloween-themed dollar store toys. As consumers, we expect the highest level of competency from those who manufacture the goods we buy, and yet if the makers of this particular bagged assortment of toys had any standards whatsoever they probably wouldn't have tossed a licensed toy like Toxie into the mix alongside the generic gargoyles and haunted trees.. and I would have been far less delighted.

TOXIC DILEMMA

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I've recently come upon my greatest challenge as a blogger and I see no solution in sight. Weeks ago I attempted to make a "quickie post" out of this Toxic Avenger figure that I unexpectedly found inside a bag of Halloween-themed dollar store toys. I intended to make a humorous, yet poignant remark about how we as consumers expect the highest level of competency from those who manufacture the goods we buy, and yet if the makers of this particular bagged assortment of toys had any standards whatsoever they probably wouldn't have tossed a licensed toy like Toxie into the mix alongside the generic gargoyles and haunted trees, and I would have been far less delighted.

My troubles began early this summer when I first set out to photograph the little plastic guy. I soon realized that his neon hue plays havoc with the camera, and the images turned out blurry or the color would overpower the details. For weeks I would finalize each of my "photo sessions" with yet another attempt at capturing the essence of the figure. But every effort ended in failure. That is, until tonight. I shan't disclose the amount of time I invested in the task, but I feel that I have finally generated an acceptable (though not necessarily good) likeness of my plastic Avenger.

But I went too far. I somehow managed to get two adequate photos, each with it's own unique merits, and therefore I am faced with a more diabolical question.. which one to use. Neither of the images truly represent the effigy as it appears to the naked eye. The one on the left is closer, but there's something sterile and lifeless about it. The one on the right possesses an "artistic flair" with its dramatic lighting and yet the highlights are "blown out" and his expression is almost lost. I fear that the wrong choice will disgrace the sculptor who originated this piece. If you have a preference please share it.

PARTY GAGS... IN ACTION!

There are no fascinating stories or heartfelt memories behind this item. I simply nabbed this box of "Party Gags" from ebay a few years ago. It was produced in 1959 by a Chicago outfit called Fishlove, which was a respectable novelty maker that offered favorites like Yakity-Yak chattering teeth, and a line of "giant" products such as sunglasses, combs, and toothbrushes. (A company called Fun Inc. bought them out and still offers some of their line.) This set was "coincidentally" released the same year that S.S. Adams put out a similar boxed assortment called the "Life of the Party" set. And you'll notice that the bright yellow box pictured above coincidentally bears the same phrase.

I suspect that the notion of a prank kit was spawned from the success of magic sets and disguise kits. I love the notion that one price will buy you everything needed for an outrageous evening of laffs. So just what are the ultimate fun-makers that make up this prankster's plunder, this duper's depot, this gagster's gallery, this kidder's cache??? Take a look!...


I sincerely hope that at least one jokester actually cycled through these gags at some pretentious gathering 40 years ago.

I thought it would be fun to take a closer look at each piece of this trickster's trove (okay, I'll stop.) and see how they appear in the "real world," all set up for a madcap evening.

Okay. You're a socially defective numbskull who's ready to start winning over a room full of socialites. Your first step is to stick this faucet on the TV. It's a an easy move and you're guaranteed to get reactions like...
"Whoa, I must be seeing things!"
 "Get out of town!"
 "I've heard of [something to do with water and television] before but this is ridiculous!"
Now you're on your way.

Now that you've bewildered them.. it's time to play upon their fears. The guest with the smallest bladder will be justly punished by way of an encounter with the horrific Spook Hand. Watch as they flee the bathroom in a state of partial undress. Once the shock and humiliation dissipates, the laffs begin to bubble. You're slowly becoming a hero.

Next, it's time to blast everyone's mind with this ghastly syringe illusion. The stunt won't necessarily make sense in the context of a party, but what's important is that everyone is paying attention to you. They'll be thoroughly disgusted, yet inexplicably drawn to you. I promise.

Just as you're explaining the principle behind the Hypno-Phony to the relieved crowd you'll hear the hostess shouting from the kitchen in a rage. She just went for more paper cups and discovered that somehow the authorities have condemned her cupboard, of all things. As she gives up and heads for the chinaware you approach the cabinet and effortlessly remove the lock. The party goes nuts! Yup.. you're at it again. And with this you've made it abundantly clear to the entire guest list that you are simply...the king.

But, wait.. Who's the blabbermouth in the back of the room who thinks he's charming the group with his pathetic anecdotes and name dropping? (while stealing your thunder) Pull the pre-wound chatter teeth from your coat pocket and let 'em go on a nearby surface. Fold your arms and maintain a smug expression. Watch the conversationalist start to stutter as a proverbial light is shone on his shallow ways. You just made a statement without saying a word. He'll have to run out of the room to chase down his date. And once again... it's all you.

You, the new "life of the party," have the attendees eating out of your hand.. waiting for you to lead them into further delight. No doubt, by now you're ready to finally proclaim your "true feelings" for that certain someone whom you've been eyeing all evening. (though, at this point you could really have any woman in the room.) Time to simply wind up the beating heart gag (which is actually the same mechanism as the chattering teeth) and watch her laugh.. right into your arms.

With this the party is as good as over. You just dominated the social scene and found a life partner. All thanks to a little mail-order ad that caught your eye a few months ago...

This fancy color ad is from a 1960 Bancroft's catalog. It really plays up the "spooky" factor (as though the beating heart is supposed to be frightening). I think "two million shivers" is pushing it (and that's a two-to-one shiver to laugh ratio). Looks like those ad wizards did it again.

"What this world needs is a good laugh." A timeless sentiment indeed. Well, I hope you've enjoyed this "explosion of rollicking humor."

FREAKIES COMMERCIAL

Someone recently posted a beautiful 1974 Freakies cereal commercial on Youtube, and compared to the typical uploads it's of pretty good quality. Until now I'd only seen this one in black and white so it's a real treat in glorious color. It looks like you can get more commercials if you contact the uplaoder. Watch it HERE.