WHAT IS THIS.. AMITYVILLE?

June 6, 2006 (6/6/06) felt kind of like a Friday the 13th. I didn't really think the date had any significance, but I was aware nonetheless. But of course, just like most Friday the 13th's, nothing unusual happened. Oh, except that the walls in my hallway were bleeding...

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Yes, those photos are 100% authentic and undoctored. The drips extended along the complete circumference of the hallway, covering all four walls.

(Un?)Fortunately, I know the "logical explanation." You see, a couple months ago I used one of those steamers to remove two layers of wallpaper in the hall. I noticed that when the bottom layer (which had been there since 1954) got wet, the maroon pigment that colored it stained like ink. The night the walls "bled" we slept with the windows open and the attic fan running all night. By dawn there was a thick fog outside and the blinds were literally dripping with water that had collected due to the extremely moist air that had been sucked in throughout the night. The moisture passed through the hallway and caused the remaining wallpaper pigment to collect and surface through the paint. I'd seen something similar (though on a smaller scale) when it reacted to the first coating of fresh paint.

Despite the fact that I knew the cause, the sight was quite eerie. My poor wife didn't know about the ink-prone pigment from the bygone wallpaper when she made the discovery, so it was quite a shock to her. It makes me wonder if this sort of circumstance is behind other "ghostly" reports of bleeding walls. Figuring it all out gave me a good Scooby-Doo feeling, or maybe it was a Bloodhound Gang vibe.

One other side note.. I also heard human screams throughout that night. Oh, wait. That was my baby son.

VISIT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS

Earlier this evening I was watching The Last Starfighter on DVD when I discovered something that I found to be pretty neat. After all the credits rolled a very lo-fi ad for Universal Studios, Hollywood appeared. First came a panel that featured a simple logo, followed by an artists rendering of the studio tour tram and the instructions "When in Hollywood Visit Universal Studios." I took some screenshots...


I got a great feeling from these no-frills graphics. The film they follow was out in 1984, but the images in the ad wouldn't look out of place in the 1960s. They remind me of something out of a Drive-In intermission reel. Given my tastes, this kind of thing is more enticing to me than a 30 minute infomercial. Hmmm.. Universal Studios, now that sounds like fun!

I SHUDDER

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I came across this collection of wind-ups on a ritzy auction site. Nothing could have prepared me for Shudder Pig. I wouldn't have thought that a stunned sow being bitten by the top half of a skull could compete with more traditional creepy stuff.. but it works.

TOONS ABOUT TOWN

Recently I was reading Daniel Clowes' comic strip commentary on the city of Chicago in his book Twentieth Century Eightball. After listing several pages worth of annoyances with the town, the narrator (Clowes himself) points out the "many reasons" to live in the Windy City. First on his list is a "Beetle Baileyish face painted on an abandoned hot dog shack." (see pic)

While it makes for a funny joke, the statement really leaped out at me because I know exactly what he means. Instantly, I envisioned a handful of graphic landmarks in my own town that bring me a couple ounces of extra joy each time I see them. Clowes' piece inspired me to take time to document these beauties before they disappear.

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This window painting dwells in what was once a bike, skateboard, and R.C. shop. Heckle and Jeckle, the magpie stars of cartoons and comic books, were hand painted on the inside glass. If you look closely you can see that they're enjoying a session with their own remote control aircraft.

I've loved this artwork since the day I first noticed it. Even when the place was in business, I struggled to understand the thinking behind the apparently random shape of the sky. For a long time I just assumed that it was unfinished. I may have been right. And Heckle and Jeckle seem like such unlikely mascots for a small town hobby store that catered to the cool kids. Given that it was painted in the early nineties, it seems like Ren and Stimpy would have made more sense. Is it meant to be ironic that birds of flight are playing with a plane? I like to guess at the thought process behind stuff like this. Was the owner up late watching cartoons when he thought "Boy, those two characters are such a crack up! I think I'll have my buddy Bill paint them on the front window. The kids will get a real kick out of it!"? Or perhaps there was a more practical explanation.. maybe the pair were thought to be public domain. Whatever the reason, I'm just happy that the shopkeeper's hunch was realized before the place shut its doors.

One fowl (with a super-long arm) relaxes with a cigar
and the remote while his pal (who's staring at the back of his head)
gives a "thumbs up" of approval. Also note: they have belly buttons.

This fellow is only a few years old, which makes me thankful because he'll probably be around for a while. I love the "folk" style, and the unexpected choice to use a bald barber pole with an overgrown goatee as a representative for the shop. In my mind he's giving chase. He seems to have run out of possibilities on his own head so now he hunts long-haired prey. His eyes are vacant and he runs with scissors. No doubt, you will meet him again in your nightmares.


Here's a newcomer that just popped up around Christmas time. This seemingly suicidal termite invites you to "just call" the termite service. Or maybe he's a tough guy who's just looking for a good challenge. The style seems so...improvisational and yet there's an almost stroke-for-stroke duplicate on another window. I'm really going to enjoy this sad sack. In fact, I think I'd better go get a haircut and a termite inspection just to ensure the longevity of my painted friends.

SPACE SOLDIERS

Do these guys look familiar? They're supposed to. They were designed to trick grandmothers into thinking they were the "Star Wars figures" that their grandsons were always yammering about. Well I wasn't fooled, but I bought them anyway. These guys were a fraction of the price of an officially licensed Kenner toy, and it was time to upgrade my set of classic plastic army men. If you ever played with toy soldiers you'll understand why these were easily as enjoyable as any articulated, hand painted, Lucas-issued playthings. Let's take a look a the line up...


This fellow is even more reminiscent of a "knight" than Darth Vader himself. His head looks like something out of Jason and the Argonauts, his cape is more practical than Vader's and his "light sword" requires an even closer range. My question.. was there any thought put into the color pallet? All black, white, or even green would have done the job. A a fuschia overlord is so hard to take seriously. I shan't even discuss those boots.


I can't be certain of this character's Star Wars counterpart. I thought of him as a Tusken Raider (crab...sand...sand people), but I played him like a Storm Trooper since he is clearly evil and there was an abundance of this model.

Though he's obviously a Buck Rogers rip off, this fellow is the Skywalker-esque space hero. But unlike the fake Vader, they put tons of him in the bag so this left the good guys without a leader. To aid this I used the "hero" of the rarest color to command the group. If there were multiples of that color I would simply "bench" the duplicates. These guys used to have dorky antennae on their helmets. I made the decision to bite them all off.


And of course, the space heroine. I'm assuming it's because she's a woman that the designers felt the need to "add value" by placing her aside a computer terminal. This practically rendered the girls useless. All the ladies were destined to forever wait back at headquarters while the men tended to their brutish battles, because seeing those "cash registers" on the battlefield was just too absurd. My only other choice was to play them as captives who awaited a heroes rescue at the enemy headquarters.


I don't even need to elaborate on this droid. Well Ok, for all those gradmas who are reading.. this figure resembles a Star Wars character named R2-D2.

This guy, as well as the one below, was either recycled from an earlier series, or simply copied from the space toys of the 1960s. I've seen approximations of both poses in Space Race era astronaut sets. My guess is that he was originally holding a flag pole. Even as a kid I thought it was somewhat hilarious to see Buzz Aldrin fighting evil with his cosmic tape recorder.


Is he carrying a gun? A vacuum cleaner? A metal detector? This question annoyed me to no end. I eventually decided that whatever it was.. it was lethal.


Now this beast didn't come in my original pack of space men. He was added to the mix later on. I'm thinking that the success of Star Wars sequels prompted the manufactures to freshen up their line and continue to cash in. This was my favorite character, and there were only two to a bag. I always thought of him as a combination of Chewbacca and maybe one of the creatures from the Cantina. (or even a bounty hunter) I played him as a renegade whose loyalties shifted with the wind. He was always just looking out for number one. He never failed to make things interesting.


The revamped collection also included this wild new space vehicle.

I don't remember what this series was called. I'm sure they were sold under many names. They were available for at least a couple decades and it wouldn't surprise me if the molds were still in use.. churning out fresh troops for the unending cosmic struggle between good and evil.
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UPDATE: Fun Blog reader Robert P. offeres this additional info...
...they were called "GALAXY LASER TEAM with space monsters". They were produced by a company called Processed Plastic Company (PPCo) for their Tim-Mee Toy Company brand. (Info from this page, towards the bottom: http://www.angelfire.com/biz/toysoldierhq/Timmeeciv.html)

PPCo was bought out by J. Lloyd International in 2005. You can see a couple of the Galaxy Laser Team figures at the bottom of their About Us page: http://www.processedplastic.com/aboutus.html

TRIPLE FLIPS

I'm not sure how old I was, but there was a point when I finally accepted the fact that any item advertised in comic books was utterly elusive. After vandalizing countless issues with my mailing address and carefully drawn x's in tiny boxes, I realized that the cycle would never stop. All mail order transactions would inevitably collapse during one of the following..
-The Permission Stage- 75% of my plans died here.
-The Savings Period- I had difficulty grasping the concept of delayed gratification.
-Maintaining Attention- My interests often shifted to the next, new craze.
-The Followthrough- On a couple of rare occasions I had the money in hand, but coordinating all the elements.. funds, envelope, check or money order, completed order form, stamp, and a mail receptacle was simply beyond my abilities.

Triple Flips, a series of pocket-sized portable games, used an advertisement that was more intriguing to me than most. All the right themes were covered.. Monsters, Science Fiction, Disasters. There was a Creature from the Black Lagoon look-alike right in the first panel. And the boys in the ad were having a blast...

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Mission accomplished.. I wanted Triple Flips. I read the ad repeatedly. I loved the excited banter among the summer campers. One of the guys was even a little scared by the shark game. Who could blame him? But like I said, I figured it was best to put these fantastic little games out of my mind because possessing them was an impossibility.

About two years later, you guessed it.. I found an assortment of Triple Flips in "the real world;" Kay Bee toys to be specific. They were dirt cheap at three for $2.50. I was elated. Naturally, "Monsters" and "Science Fiction" were my Flips of choice. At long last I had conquered the great mail order divide.

Thanks to that day at the mall, I shall now reveal to you.. the mysteries of the Triple Flips. (I defy you to find this information anywhere else on the web!)

Here is the closed case of the "Science Fiction" edition ("Monsters" was destroyed long ago.) Positioning the slider to the desired game and pushing the lever at the bottom automatically opens the spring-loaded container to your game of choice. Kind of clever.

Contrary to the ad, there are no 3-D environments and the game pieces are generic colored tokens. The fact that they're magnetic is kind of cool though.

I always liked the past and future setup on this playing field.

I needn't tell you that the products didn't match my expectations. I got home from the mall and immediately referred to the old comic ad. Maybe I'd gotten the 'base' model or something. The initial product "close-ups" in the ad are accurate enough I suppose, but the drawing that depicts the Western game could reasonably be interpreted as a three dimensional town with a playing piece in the shape of a horse-drawn carriage...

There's no indication that this scene is part of the boys' imagination.

This led me to assume that the "Monsters" edition would probably include a tiny plastic Frankenstein, and most likely a haunted castle. All in all, the Triple Flips promotion was a textbook example of the generally misleading nature of comic advertising. I'd been warned about it, but this was my first personal experience. I only attempted to play the games once or twice. But the Flips became trophies that would eventually reminded me of my youthful search for truth.

Here's a look at the blister card. Yes, I still have it.

The back reveals even more of the games.

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THE MECHANICAL SERVANT

Jerry Seinfeld has a bit about weddings in which he says "Nobody wants to go to your wedding. ...they open the invitation and say "Oh jeez- it's on a Saturday!" That sums it up for me now, and I certainly felt that way when I was a kid. One of my childhood weekends was almost ruined by my uncle's wedding...almost.

My family pulled into our motel in Oklahoma City where I was delighted to discover that we were within walking distance of Frontier City, a Western-themed amusement park. Sensing my plan, my parents quickly reminded me that there would be no time for fun on this trip. We would make another trip for such frivolity "someday." (I've still never been.) So I was confronted by the park's inviting, Alamo-style gateway every time we entered or left our room. It created a series of painful reminders of the weekend's unmet potential.


After a day of being dragged around the hot city, I sat at our rehearsal dinner table feeling bored and glum. My wandering mind remembered an unusual looking vending machine that I'd glimpsed earlier in a passageway off the motel lobby. I was granted permission to investigate. The low lit lobby was a peaceful retreat with cool brick floors and plastic tropical plants. I quickly located the mechanical diversion. Its appearance was not unlike a super-sized cigarette machine. Internal fluorescent lights illuminated its wide variety of wares. The top row contained toothbrushes, toiletries, and sewing kits. But by the third row down the selection was made up of fewer necessities and an increasing number of luxuries. Even I knew that most travelers could do without playing cards and key chains. Then as my eyes moved lower still, the choices turned from necessity to luxury to my very favorite... novelty. I saw twisty metal puzzles, magnetic dogs, and lo and behold, a selection labeled "pranks and magic tricks!"
Prior to this, my experience with real live Pranks and Magic had been limited to a glorious Snake Nut Can from a local, short-lived novelty shop. This machine seemed to offer the same goods that were peddled in the back of my comic books. Getting my hands on that junk would become one of the prevalent themes of my life.

Pocket check...I had enough change for two! I stood my quarters side by side in the metal coin-taker. A labored thrust caused a small, colorful box to fall into the bin near my knees.


I tore it open and found plastic "biscuits."



I was confused. These seemed less like a prank and more like the "play food" my little sister had back home in her play kitchen. There's no universal biscuit shape, so how would one ever locate real biscuits to match these? This joke was far from "practical." Regardless, I had fifty more cents. The identical box popped out. "A duplicate? So soon?." Actually the box was the same but this one contained a Palpitator also known as a "plate lifter," an odd looking doodad with a rubber bulb that inflates a small bladder.

What luck! A "table gag!" And there I was on my way back to a banquet. Five minutes later my mom's plate was dancing. And her reaction..satisfying. I craved more.

Between my father's pocket change and my mom's bottomless purse, I was able to return to the table with a tall, precarious stack of flat boxes. The remainder of the meal was barely long enough for me to open and familiarize myself with each of my newfound tricks...



Some, like the Compact and Bug and the Trick Toothpick would prove to be highly effective in future months.

Yes, there were duplicates...




By the end of my spree, I had nearly enough biscuits to pull off the gag.

Naturally, the morning of the wedding was stressful and hectic. I thought that surely everyone could use a good chuckle right about then. My mother was set to sing a solo in her brother's wedding. In fact, her procrastinative nature had turned our four hour road trip into an extended rehearsal. As I sat in our room mentally selecting the perfect ruse, I beheld an audio cassette that contained mom's backup music which laid on the desk next to the motel television. I plucked the Trick Suction Cup from my arsenal and adhered the plastic tape case to the motel furniture. About an hour later, long after I'd forgotten my own trap I heard my mother raging. "Alright, someone spilled something sticky all over my tape! If this tape is ruined then..." my joke was discovered, and I had a well-earned laugh.


The wedding ceremony was no longer a burden to me, but an opportunity to study my deceptive devices and patiently panhandle from my many relatives. Finally, once back at the inn, I raced to my personal coin-op curiosity shop with heavy pockets. By this point I was no longer savoring each new acquisition, I was on the mental level of a slot machine junkie. After three fresh boxes a red light turned on. "Sold Out."

I stood shocked and waiting for a wave of sadness to hit, but it never came. Instead I felt relief. I had already been dreading my departure with my Mechanical Servant. I had already wondered how I would be able to leave its mysteries within. Now I didn't have to, I'd solved them all at fifty cents apiece.

The present day remains of the Oklahoma City bounty.

"FLIP" ON FLASH TV'S PODCAST

Have you discovered the joys of the itunes podcast yet? You don't even need an ipod, just the itunes player. It's free and in my opinion, it's the best music player out there..even on PC. You simply open itunes and go to the music store and pick out the podcasts you want (most of them are free) by clicking the "subscribe" button. itunes automatically downloads new episodes whenever they are available until you tell it to stop. And if you do have an ipod you can watch 'em on the go. I love the idea.

Anyway, Nicholas over at Flash TV recently asked me if he could podcast my Flip Phantasmagoria toon, and I happily agreed. So today The Phantasmagoria is the official FlashTV episode! Before I submitted it I was able to tweak some minor stuff that has bugged me for years. And I was even able to add in the bumper sticker I spoke of in this post. So if you're interested, click HERE to automatically subscribe to the FlashTV podcast. If you subscribe after today you can still see get The Phantasmagoria toon by clicking the "Get" button in FlashTV's podcast archive. (That will make more sense if you subscribe.) Or you can just watch it the old, boring way.. on the Secret Fun Spot.

RANDOM SCARE

I love spooky stuff. Here's a favorite...

I remember seeing footage of Spook Hill on 80s TV shows like Real People and That's Incredible. It seems that Prather's Laundry and Dry Cleaners wholeheartedly endorsed the mysterious phenomenon. And why shouldn't they?

PHANTOM PEANUT

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Above is a photo that my pal Duane Dimock sent me of a wonderful "dime store" product. Just a few reasons why it's so awesome...
5. This character is known simply as "Phantom"
4. The colorful art on the header card indicates that Phantom is possibly a menacing giant with a grotesque head (or is it a mask?) who carries a skull scepter.
3. The actual figure looks absolutely nothing like the Phantom on the header.
2. Though it's no giant native mask-head, the hairy skull head is also cool.
1. The creators of this ghostly figure used the body from a Snoopy toy!!

UPDATE:
Fueled by a lead from commenter, Flamen Dialis, I went in search of the box art for Revell's Phantom model. Sure enough it was appropriated for this crazy toy conglomeration...

So the name is from the classic comic strip hero, the art is the Voodoo Witch Doctor from the model kit, and the body is Charlie Brown's beagle. The only remaining question.. who's head is that?! Thanks Flamen, for making this figure seem even cooler!

PARTICLE BOARD BILLBOARD

As a follow up to my last post which involved stickers on kid's furniture, I thought I'd share some photos of a feeble, yet noble record cabinet that served me throughout my childhood. It was in six pieces when I finally decided to trash it. I had to piece it together just long enough to take a few parting shots...

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Those super hero stickers came out of boxes of Honey Combs. Others include Superman the Motion Picture, Star Wars, and some generic Scratch N' Sniff stickers.

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Here the centerpiece is a 25 cent Superman sticker from a vending machine. The Pink Panther is all over this side. Note the "label maker" sticker that I made featuring my favorite Atari cartridges. "Rick and Tog" were from a Denny's Kid's meal. Radio 13 was a local AM station. I always liked that logo because of its ghostly feel.

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The top is dominated by Fleer's Donkey Kong stickers. I see a few screenshot stickers from Tron the arcade game and some from E.T. Those Disney characters are the priciest ones since they came directly from Walt Disney World. The Pac-Men on the bottom two corners are bootlegs.

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This series was Fleer's Stick-it-to-'em Insult Stickers.