SEE ROCK CITY

One of the predominant themes of childhood consumerism (and of this blog) is "hopeful expectation vs. painful reality." So for a change, I thought I'd focus on a place that consistently managed to surpass my youthful hopes... Rock City Gardens in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

If you've traveled on highways that lead anyplace near Chattanooga you have seen a multitude of roadside advertisements urging you to "See Rock City." Rock City is in that family of American attractions that are akin to using extreme repetition to wear down, and lure in interstate travelers. (Other examples are Wall Drug, South of the Border, and Stuckey's.) Not only is this advertising technique effective, I consider the gauntlet of billboards to be a considerable part of the Rock City experience. After being subject to so many ads, passing by the Rock City exit can be downright painful. However, if you know Rock City to be your destination then the billboards can gradually ramp up your car's collective anticipation until the thought of arrival becomes all-consuming, and the level of excitement is almost agonizing. You can become so dependent upon seeing the next sign, that you start to feel as though you're being toyed with. A maddening twenty mile dry spell can suddenly erupt into a feast of four-in-a-row signs causing your brain to swell with pleasure-inducing dopamine.

The pleas to "See Rock City" come in several unique forms. Most notable are the old wooden barns that are painted up as billboards. Long ago, a Rock City rep named Clark Byers traveled surrounding areas offering free paint jobs to any farmer who didn't mind proclaiming Rock City's marketing message.


In the spirit of these barns, I once painted my own shed with the Rock City advert (see below).


Bird houses are another unconventional method of promoting the attraction.


Most common are the standard billboards. Prior to the 1990s the volume of these signs was far greater. I remember counting well over a hundred between Little Rock and Chattanooga. I must admit that I liked the ads better when they featured Rocky the gnome. Although I understand that Rock City's efforts to change with the times is one of the reasons it is still around.


The climax of the journey to the city of rock is the ascent up Lookout Mountain. The road is twisty, steep, and beautiful. And the streets are named after fictional characters like Peter Pan and Red Riding Hood. The magic kicks in well before you even see the Rock City parking lot.

Soon after you reach the glorious moment of arrival, a banjo-pickin, animatronic gnome greets you in front of the main building. After a pass through aisles of souvenirs, a ticket gains you access through the back door to the winding pathway of delights. Unlike other garden attractions, Rock City has many distinct points of interest. There are rock formations, overlooks, bridges, passages, and even a group of white deer. Each feature has a mystical name like "Goblin's Overpass" and "Eye of the Needle." Colorful ceramic gnomes hide throughout the park giving the kiddies something to do while the grown ups debate the types of foliage. Here are "artists renderings" of some of the highlights that were taken from a vintage book of postcards...

Lovers Leap


The 1,000-ton balanced rock.

The experience culminates at the Fairyland Caverns, a man-made "cave" full of blacklight-sensitive 3-D dioramas of popular nursery rhymes. I remember my folks commenting that something so artificial was out of place and anticlimactic in relation to the natural wonders. But when I was little it was the perfect topper to an already amazing experience.

After encircling one final, dazzling Farilyland display the tour comes to an end. But the day isn't over yet! There's one more opportunity to scour the gift shop for ways to bring home some magic. Here are a couple mementos that I have...

The miraculous penny in a bottle.

In the midst of the self-guided tour there is a booth where you can sit while a lady cuts out a custom silhouette profile from black construction paper. This was supposed to be me in 1977.

Here's an old window decal

Rocky adorns the sack that contains your precious new souvenirs.
But don't let him boss you around regarding your next stop. It's your vacation.

By now, you might suspect that I'm some sort of Rock City shill, but really I'm just a long-time patron who's happy that such a place exists and thankful that it has withstood the post-Disney tourism slump and continues to thrive. So please, by all means... See Rock City.

For more information visit the official Rock City web site.

FROM GAYLA TO GALAGA

The "Baby Bat" kite from Gayla is the quintessential kite design in my mind. It was around before my time, and it's still available to the kids of today. Although, while I had my fair share of kites, and I admired the monster-like nature of this one, I never actually chose to purchase "the bat." The reason is laughable now, but while I was growing up I thought that bloodshot eyes were gross. Just looking at them made me squint and turn away.

Anyway, I saw one of these kites on ebay recently and as I studied the alluring display card I noticed something for the first time. Those oh, so repulsive blood vessels in the eyes actually spell out the manufacturer's name "Gayla." Now that is cool.

Another trivial thought occurred as I studied the design.. the logo for the video game Galaga sure looks similar to Gayla's; it even has the stars flying around it. So there you have it...Believe it or NOT!

"PAPERCRAFT" MINI FREAKIES BOX

Here's an idea.. print, cut out, and put together a "papercraft" version of the mini Freakies cereal box shown above. Povided below is all you need to make a scale replica of an empty box that was originally included in a set of miniature toy food from the 1980s. Oddly enough, these sets were sold years after Freakies were made unavailable.

You can get the flattened box by clicking the thumbnail image above, or right click and "save as.." on this link. Don't forget to print it out at 'high" quality. And it's best if you use a heavier paper stock. (Also, it may be unclear that you must cut a slit to the left of the "wearables" order form. This is where you slide the tab that is located to the right of the prizes.) Update: I uploaded a new image file that has more accurate color compared to the real box.

What's that? You say you want to hear the story behind the box this was scanned from, and the way it relates to my life? Well, Ok...

Freakies is my favorite cereal in the history of the world. Oh, not because they tasted good, but for the graphics and the characters on the box. As a tyke I admired those funny, little, monstery oddballs and wished to visit their tree hangout under blue skies. Believe it or not, my young mind even appreciated the friendly yellow typeface. The entire box was a work of art. And the prizes were simply the best. They were Freakie-themed as opposed to some generic toy, or a heartless movie promotion. Premiums like the Freakie cars, boats, and figures had play-value that lasted months, or even years after the cereal had been devoured. And how many cereals offered six distinctly different prizes at once?

I was still pretty young when the cherished cereal was discontinued. I missed it, and as I entered middle childhood I continued to talk about it, but none of my friends could remember Freakies. As the years passed I actually started to question whether they ever existed. With no remaining evidence, and nobody to validate my memories I wondered if they were something I had imagined or encountered in a dream.

One day my younger sister and her friend were taking part in an annoyingly loud session of 'play kitchen' while I was trying to watch my after school television lineup. As usual, I aggressively intervened and expressed my irritation. At once I was distracted by a tiny Freakies box no more than two inches high! I struggled to hide my interest, knowing that if the girls sensed my weakness for the item, it would be exploited. It required all the control I could muster, but I successfully appeared unaware of the treasure. I anxiously waited for their game to fizzle, and after they had moved on to the next imaginary realm I had some precious one-on-one time with the box. Not only was it a glorious memento of Saturday mornings past, but it was proof that my sucker friends couldn't remember themselves out of a paper bag.

I immediately constructed my plot to own the box. It involved a 'cooling off' period that allowed my sister to lose interest, followed by a bargain. I don't recall what I swapped for the prize, but I'm sure it was something ridiculously stupid and meaningless which was either immediately eaten or quickly cast aside by my sis. To the contrary, I walked away with the sweetest of spoils.. a trophy which I would preserve for decades. And now with the aid of the internet my master plan will come to fruition as I unleash the box and watch it multiply throughout the world. Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

THE THING... WHAT IS IT?

"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity." -Albert Einstein

Maybe it's not as grand as all that, but here is today's mystery for you. What's in this box?...



Unless you've seen one before, or you worked for an oriental novelty factory in the 1940s, there's no possible way to know what "the thing" inside is. There's no logical conclusion to be drawn. And that's why this item is so wonderful. My friend Scott found this little gem at a flea market and graciously gifted it to me. The graphics are obviously incredible and mysteriously spooky to boot. I think the current contents are what originally came inside, but I can't be certain. It would be equally great if they're not. (I wonder if different items were included in different boxes. That sure would've been a clever way for the manufacturers to liquidate unwanted inventory.)

Ok, the wait is over. I now present... The Thing.


I'm not really sure what to say.
Those ghosts were pretty misleading, huh?
My only theory is that the fellow in the middle is Joseph Stalin, which would make it a piece of plastic political satire. See the resemblance?...


Anyone have any other theories? Was The Thing box created to boost sales of the failed "Three Of A Kind" statue? Or was it all a carefully calculated "box gag?" The near-perfect fit suggests that they were made to go together. And the statue has an open back which could mean that it was intended to remain in the box. Or was the original "thing" replaced with this farce?

Well, now you know what The Thing is, but as with all good mysteries.. the answer only raises more questions.

_______________

It all reminds me of an equally baffling roadside attraction in Dragoon, Arizona that bears the same name The Thing (a.k.a. The Mystery of the Desert)...


Approaching interstate traffic must face endless miles of road signs that repeatedly pose the same two-word question.."The Thing?" I've never witnessed the Arizona "Thing" in person, but I've been intrigued by the conundrum for years. My curiosity finally drove me to spoil the puzzle for myself by way of the internet. If you get as desperate as I was, the The Thing is exposed here.

Fact is, attractions that utilize enigmatic words in their names have always been extra-appealing to me. The Trees of Mystery, Secret Caverns, Mystery Hill, Cosmos Mystery Area, Forbidden Caverns, The Winchester Mystery House, Museum of Wonder, The Mystery Spot, The Wonder Spot, and The Mystery Hole are all examples of real attractions that can instantly bewilder me with the flash of a single billboard. I think they're so effective because they suggest that there are still mysteries of the road that remain unraveled. And speaking of revelations.. now you know why I called my web site the Secret Fun Spot.

FLAP JACK

Last decade, a fellow named Mike Becker created a company that he aptly named Funko. He started by selling vinyl figures of the Shoney's Big Boy out of his garage, and went on to peddle millions of 'bobble head' versions of some of the century's greatest pop culture icons, inspiring a resurgence in 'head nodder' collecting (and fun) across the globe.


I was thrilled when I started seeing his "Wacky Wobblers" in the novelty shops. I was shocked to see dear, forgotten characters like Rat Fink, Frankenberry, Sea Monkeys and Bazooka Joe available in the modern marketplace. And they were done right.. everything from the design, to the colors, to the packaging. I knew that whoever was behind them was "in love" with the subject matter. I followed Funko closely and looked forward to their latest offerings.

While my friends and I were filming Flip I decided that once it was complete, I would send a copy to Funko because I knew that they would appreciate it. Imagine my surprise when I saw an email in my inbox from "Chairman of Fun," Mike Becker.. before I contacted them. He had discovered the Secret Fun Spot and wanted to chat about our similar interests. Naturally, we had a lot to discuss, and a friendship rapidly developed.

So months later when Mike told me he was considering "early retirement" I was surprised at first, but on second thought I realized how attractive such a notion is to most everyone. Next thing I knew he had sold Funko. But as I had suspected it wasn't long before he realized how much he missed creating the fun. It seemed like every time we talked he had new ideas for characters and packaging. Soon the ideas turned into prototypes, and before I knew it he was heading up a new company.

I'm sharing all of this now because the time has come for the official world wide unveiling of Mike's new outlet for fun stuff.. Flap Jack Toys. You can check out their hot, buttery web site here.

To my delight, Mike's products are now spookier than ever. He turned to Rat Fink, Weird-Oh's, Groovie Goolies, and Marvin Glass for inspiration and the new stuff is frightfully fun. Flap Jack kicks off with two different lines of goodies. The Spooky Kookys are a group of skeletons with distinct personalities, and the Symptoms are scary personifications of various ailments that are packaged in giant pill bottles!

I was happy to make a small contribution to the Flap Jack legacy in the form of a pointless little animation. You can find it on their site under the "Coffee Break" section on the "Spooky Kookys" doughnut. Or it might just be easier to watch it here.

It sure is great to see retro-influenced, frightening plastic on the market. Flap Jack, I wish you all the gloomy best!

LIFE OF THE PARTY

If you ever wondered why I went nine months without updating the Secret Fun Spot, here's the reason... I'm thrilled to announce a new "visual history book" about the S.S. Adams Prank and Magic Company.. written, photographed, and designed by yours truly. It just finished printing in Korea and we're hoping to have it in hand by mid July.

For the benefit of those who are unfamiliar, S.S. Adams (a.k.a Adams) is the world's first and oldest mass-manufacturer of pranks and magic tricks. Adams is responsible for timeless classics like The Joy Buzzer, The Dribble Glass and The Snake Nut Can. They basically pioneered the American "joker's novelty" industry.

I've been doing design work for the Adams company for a couple of years now, and in early 2005 they approached me about creating a book in celebration of their 100th anniversary. This was literally a dream come true, as I'd been talking for years about putting together a book on pranks and magic.

The first thing I did was visit the Adams factory in Neptune, New Jersey and raided the place for artwork, discontinued stock, old photos, promotional stuff..everything I could find. I made discoveries like the original art(!) for the Money Maker and Mystic Smoke that you've seen a hundred million times in comic book ads. The experience was truly phenomenal.

The book consists of 200 full color, large-format pages of prankster's eye candy. I included items and artwork from every decade of the last century. Miraculously, Chris Ware of Jimmy Corrigan and Acme Novelty Library fame wrote the foreword. Just as you'd expect, it's as painful as it is hilarious.

Anyway, you can preview a half dozen pages, and even order it over at S.S. Adams website. Please spread the word if you know of anyone who might be interested. It's a relatively tiny print run, and we've got no real marketing budget, but it's a true labor of love and some of you are going to greatly enjoy it.

As if the experience wasn't already great enough, my design hero Chip Kidd gave me a blurb to die for...
"This book? This book is a JOKE. When I opened it, it played a trick on me: instead of a breezy light-hearted look at novelties, it buzzed in my head and revealed itself as the heartbreaking secret history of twentieth century America that it actually is. Oh, and it's gorgeous too. Tricked again."
-Chip Kidd, author of The Cheese Monkeys, and Batman Collected

THE HAUNTED THEATRE

In June of 1985 we were still a one car family, so when the Pontiac had a problem everybody suffered. Though the vehicle had never dared betray us during our precious annual vacation, my dad had a feeling about that year so we decided on a relatively close destination, Kansas City, with hopes that the car could manage a shorter trip. Fifteen minutes down the road we smelled that familiar odor that always preceded the inevitable smoke escaping from under the hood. We turned around and revisited our mechanic.

Two days later we were back on the highway with a sense of relief surrounding the nearly-canceled trip. This time it was thirty minutes before the car started steaming. Back home and back to another mechanic.

That night The Goonies took a little bit of the sting off the situation, but I wasn't sure if I could handle another delay. Perhaps I failed to mention the fact that Kansas City was home to the Worlds of Fun theme park, and furthermore their latest crowd pleaser, "new for 1985," was a little thing called the "Haunted Theatre."

I'd seen the vague TV commercial, and the frightening logo but that's all I knew about it. Was it a "walkthrough," or a "dark ride," or a place that screened scary movies? I didn't know. I just knew that it was haunted. I pondered the question again the morning we made our third attempt at our yearly holiday. Fifteen minutes.. thirty minutes.. one hour and no engine trouble!

At an hour and a half we heard the familiar bubbling sound under the hood and our hearts took a dive. But this time we were past the point of no return, both on the map and in spirit. The decision was made to keep moving towards KC, even if it meant stopping several more times to let the car cool down. And stop we did. The duration of the journey more than doubled and with each sweaty pit stop my anticipation multiplied.. eventually beyond the realm of good mental health. By the next morning every member of the family truly deserved a world—nay, a universe of fun.

Throughout the plodding drive I had often remarked that I wasn't sure if I would be brave enough to go into the scary attraction. Though I'd been dying to try one, at that point I'd never been able to bring myself to set foot in a spook house; not even Disney's Haunted Mansion. But once we stood before the gates of the theater staring at the creepy logo, I reflected on the suffering we had endured to get there, and frankly, I gave myself no choice.

I don't remember anything else about that day, not the generic roller coasters or the predictable log rides. But I can easily recall all aspects of my Haunted Theatre experience.

The "ride" was the newest attraction in the four-state area, so the line was devilishly long and mostly unshaded. Once we finally hit air conditioning I was relieved. But it was also a chilling reminder that we were closer than ever to the terrors that awaited. We slowly filed into a crowded lobby, but I couldn't see the walls through the damp tourists. Finally, we walked through some doors that led into an auditorium with a very high ceiling. The hundreds of seats, and the curtained stage indicated that this was in fact, an actual theater. Again I was relieved.

We waited for the masses to fill every row and once they did, the lights went out. The audience screamed at the darkness, and the screaming begat more screams. The stage lit up and a man appeared. I assume this man was Mark Wilson because later I would notice that the full name of the place was "Mark Wilson's Haunted Theatre." Then Mr. Wilson did something that was absolutely unexpected. He did a magic show.

Yes, I was a little let down when I realized what was going on. Oh, he incorporated a lot of "spook talk" throughout,
"And now Willy the spirit will help me with so and so..."
and the classic tricks were modified with a macabre theme, but it took me some time to warm up to the event. However, I eventually found myself enjoying it.

The entertainment factor elevated when a "live monster" took the stage. The next thing I knew, just as it broke its restraints and was hobbling toward the audience— the lights went out again! Suddenly the whole place broke into a fright fest. Incandescent ghosts emerged and darted over the heads of the crowd. Glow-in-the-dark ghouls roamed the aisles. I closed my eyes through most of the blackout and heard only music and screams. The lights finally came on and everyone was giddy and smiling. Now that was haunted.

I came home with a souvenir cup...


Years later, I came to understand that the Haunted Theatre performance was a by-the-book example of what's known as a "Spook Show." These were traveling, spooky-themed magic acts that were popular from the early to mid 1900s. They usually preceded a midnight horror movie, and they almost always ended with a climactic "blackout" just like the one I experienced.

Once I realized this connection, the brilliance of the Haunted Theatre became apparent to me. I applaud Mark Wilson's efforts to expose a new generation to this lost form of entertainment, but the show only ran for one year. From what I gather, it was merely the featured program for that particular season. The next year the same venue was host to Breakin' Out; I can only assume this was a breakdancing presentation. I'm just thankful I made it there that summer, against all odds, to witness the magic.

(Click image for more info)
This is the DVD that schooled me in spook shows, and it's just about the greatest disc ever assembled. It has dozens of authentic spook show ads, a bunch of shorts, photo galleries, a full length B-grade horror film called Tormented, and lots more. Monsters Crash the Pajama Party is a 20 minute film that was used in conjunction with a spook show in the 1960s. At one point in the featurette, the monsters run "into the audience" to find a fresh victim. That's when guys in masks would've ran through the theater. I used this DVD to create my own spook show at one "ultimate" Halloween party. But that's another post altogether.

Here's a beautiful vintage Spook Show advertisement
from spookshows.com. Click it for more spooky info.

WHAT IS THIS.. AMITYVILLE?

June 6, 2006 (6/6/06) felt kind of like a Friday the 13th. I didn't really think the date had any significance, but I was aware nonetheless. But of course, just like most Friday the 13th's, nothing unusual happened. Oh, except that the walls in my hallway were bleeding...

(Click to enlarge)

(Click to enlarge.)

Yes, those photos are 100% authentic and undoctored. The drips extended along the complete circumference of the hallway, covering all four walls.

(Un?)Fortunately, I know the "logical explanation." You see, a couple months ago I used one of those steamers to remove two layers of wallpaper in the hall. I noticed that when the bottom layer (which had been there since 1954) got wet, the maroon pigment that colored it stained like ink. The night the walls "bled" we slept with the windows open and the attic fan running all night. By dawn there was a thick fog outside and the blinds were literally dripping with water that had collected due to the extremely moist air that had been sucked in throughout the night. The moisture passed through the hallway and caused the remaining wallpaper pigment to collect and surface through the paint. I'd seen something similar (though on a smaller scale) when it reacted to the first coating of fresh paint.

Despite the fact that I knew the cause, the sight was quite eerie. My poor wife didn't know about the ink-prone pigment from the bygone wallpaper when she made the discovery, so it was quite a shock to her. It makes me wonder if this sort of circumstance is behind other "ghostly" reports of bleeding walls. Figuring it all out gave me a good Scooby-Doo feeling, or maybe it was a Bloodhound Gang vibe.

One other side note.. I also heard human screams throughout that night. Oh, wait. That was my baby son.

VISIT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS

Earlier this evening I was watching The Last Starfighter on DVD when I discovered something that I found to be pretty neat. After all the credits rolled a very lo-fi ad for Universal Studios, Hollywood appeared. First came a panel that featured a simple logo, followed by an artists rendering of the studio tour tram and the instructions "When in Hollywood Visit Universal Studios." I took some screenshots...


I got a great feeling from these no-frills graphics. The film they follow was out in 1984, but the images in the ad wouldn't look out of place in the 1960s. They remind me of something out of a Drive-In intermission reel. Given my tastes, this kind of thing is more enticing to me than a 30 minute infomercial. Hmmm.. Universal Studios, now that sounds like fun!

I SHUDDER

(Click to enlarge)

I came across this collection of wind-ups on a ritzy auction site. Nothing could have prepared me for Shudder Pig. I wouldn't have thought that a stunned sow being bitten by the top half of a skull could compete with more traditional creepy stuff.. but it works.

TOONS ABOUT TOWN

Recently I was reading Daniel Clowes' comic strip commentary on the city of Chicago in his book Twentieth Century Eightball. After listing several pages worth of annoyances with the town, the narrator (Clowes himself) points out the "many reasons" to live in the Windy City. First on his list is a "Beetle Baileyish face painted on an abandoned hot dog shack." (see pic)

While it makes for a funny joke, the statement really leaped out at me because I know exactly what he means. Instantly, I envisioned a handful of graphic landmarks in my own town that bring me a couple ounces of extra joy each time I see them. Clowes' piece inspired me to take time to document these beauties before they disappear.

(Click to enlarge)

This window painting dwells in what was once a bike, skateboard, and R.C. shop. Heckle and Jeckle, the magpie stars of cartoons and comic books, were hand painted on the inside glass. If you look closely you can see that they're enjoying a session with their own remote control aircraft.

I've loved this artwork since the day I first noticed it. Even when the place was in business, I struggled to understand the thinking behind the apparently random shape of the sky. For a long time I just assumed that it was unfinished. I may have been right. And Heckle and Jeckle seem like such unlikely mascots for a small town hobby store that catered to the cool kids. Given that it was painted in the early nineties, it seems like Ren and Stimpy would have made more sense. Is it meant to be ironic that birds of flight are playing with a plane? I like to guess at the thought process behind stuff like this. Was the owner up late watching cartoons when he thought "Boy, those two characters are such a crack up! I think I'll have my buddy Bill paint them on the front window. The kids will get a real kick out of it!"? Or perhaps there was a more practical explanation.. maybe the pair were thought to be public domain. Whatever the reason, I'm just happy that the shopkeeper's hunch was realized before the place shut its doors.

One fowl (with a super-long arm) relaxes with a cigar
and the remote while his pal (who's staring at the back of his head)
gives a "thumbs up" of approval. Also note: they have belly buttons.

This fellow is only a few years old, which makes me thankful because he'll probably be around for a while. I love the "folk" style, and the unexpected choice to use a bald barber pole with an overgrown goatee as a representative for the shop. In my mind he's giving chase. He seems to have run out of possibilities on his own head so now he hunts long-haired prey. His eyes are vacant and he runs with scissors. No doubt, you will meet him again in your nightmares.


Here's a newcomer that just popped up around Christmas time. This seemingly suicidal termite invites you to "just call" the termite service. Or maybe he's a tough guy who's just looking for a good challenge. The style seems so...improvisational and yet there's an almost stroke-for-stroke duplicate on another window. I'm really going to enjoy this sad sack. In fact, I think I'd better go get a haircut and a termite inspection just to ensure the longevity of my painted friends.

SPACE SOLDIERS

Do these guys look familiar? They're supposed to. They were designed to trick grandmothers into thinking they were the "Star Wars figures" that their grandsons were always yammering about. Well I wasn't fooled, but I bought them anyway. These guys were a fraction of the price of an officially licensed Kenner toy, and it was time to upgrade my set of classic plastic army men. If you ever played with toy soldiers you'll understand why these were easily as enjoyable as any articulated, hand painted, Lucas-issued playthings. Let's take a look a the line up...


This fellow is even more reminiscent of a "knight" than Darth Vader himself. His head looks like something out of Jason and the Argonauts, his cape is more practical than Vader's and his "light sword" requires an even closer range. My question.. was there any thought put into the color pallet? All black, white, or even green would have done the job. A a fuschia overlord is so hard to take seriously. I shan't even discuss those boots.


I can't be certain of this character's Star Wars counterpart. I thought of him as a Tusken Raider (crab...sand...sand people), but I played him like a Storm Trooper since he is clearly evil and there was an abundance of this model.

Though he's obviously a Buck Rogers rip off, this fellow is the Skywalker-esque space hero. But unlike the fake Vader, they put tons of him in the bag so this left the good guys without a leader. To aid this I used the "hero" of the rarest color to command the group. If there were multiples of that color I would simply "bench" the duplicates. These guys used to have dorky antennae on their helmets. I made the decision to bite them all off.


And of course, the space heroine. I'm assuming it's because she's a woman that the designers felt the need to "add value" by placing her aside a computer terminal. This practically rendered the girls useless. All the ladies were destined to forever wait back at headquarters while the men tended to their brutish battles, because seeing those "cash registers" on the battlefield was just too absurd. My only other choice was to play them as captives who awaited a heroes rescue at the enemy headquarters.


I don't even need to elaborate on this droid. Well Ok, for all those gradmas who are reading.. this figure resembles a Star Wars character named R2-D2.

This guy, as well as the one below, was either recycled from an earlier series, or simply copied from the space toys of the 1960s. I've seen approximations of both poses in Space Race era astronaut sets. My guess is that he was originally holding a flag pole. Even as a kid I thought it was somewhat hilarious to see Buzz Aldrin fighting evil with his cosmic tape recorder.


Is he carrying a gun? A vacuum cleaner? A metal detector? This question annoyed me to no end. I eventually decided that whatever it was.. it was lethal.


Now this beast didn't come in my original pack of space men. He was added to the mix later on. I'm thinking that the success of Star Wars sequels prompted the manufactures to freshen up their line and continue to cash in. This was my favorite character, and there were only two to a bag. I always thought of him as a combination of Chewbacca and maybe one of the creatures from the Cantina. (or even a bounty hunter) I played him as a renegade whose loyalties shifted with the wind. He was always just looking out for number one. He never failed to make things interesting.


The revamped collection also included this wild new space vehicle.

I don't remember what this series was called. I'm sure they were sold under many names. They were available for at least a couple decades and it wouldn't surprise me if the molds were still in use.. churning out fresh troops for the unending cosmic struggle between good and evil.
____________

UPDATE: Fun Blog reader Robert P. offeres this additional info...
...they were called "GALAXY LASER TEAM with space monsters". They were produced by a company called Processed Plastic Company (PPCo) for their Tim-Mee Toy Company brand. (Info from this page, towards the bottom: http://www.angelfire.com/biz/toysoldierhq/Timmeeciv.html)

PPCo was bought out by J. Lloyd International in 2005. You can see a couple of the Galaxy Laser Team figures at the bottom of their About Us page: http://www.processedplastic.com/aboutus.html